"He turned into fuckin' Boo Radley near the end, what happened?"
"My take on it is that he just stopped caring."
"Why? He always seemed upbeat and shit, like he always had a real solid outlook, however pessimistic and dark it may have seemed at first."
"Well, after everyone settled down, school ended, college came and went, he lost hope in ever being back in touch socially and finally just stopped giving a fuck. He had really high hopes on being someone that could cater to everyone's needs and in the end realized that if he couldn't help everyone equally, why help anyone and risk leaving out some. He used to joke about how he had no real skills or redeeming qualities besides his ears and heart, which we all laughed off and then unknowingly took advantage of."
"Wow, kinda like he stopped giving a fuck when he got fucked?"
"Truedom come"
"Heavy shit, man."
---
"Death of an All*StaR!"
- C. Aledridge
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2 comments:
I fear the day when i'll stop caring. Until now, even though I "got fucked" couple of times, I always find it within me to start all over, put on a smile, and get ready for new hits.
It would be really "Heavy shit..." not to be able to recover my hope one day.
I fear that day...
To quote an epic movie I hold very near and dear...
"Never give up, never surrender." -Galaxy Quest
--
I know exactly how you feel though. It's always been my personality to be broken down and exhausted from the holes I've put so much time and effort digging myself into, and then instantly drop my shovel just to help someone...all while wearing a smile. I don't look for a pat on the back or a thank you as a way of feeling complete, the way I get satisfaction is when my smile has become contagious and they were infected with it. That's what keeps me going, knowing that even though I'm in a rut emotionally, I can still make someone else feel better and smile.
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So remember, never give up, never surrender.
:)
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