My Mind Doesn't Belong To You Which Is Why It Seems Wrong To You

My mind doesn't belong to you which is why it seems wrong to you.
What I did was right for me, what you did was lie to me then hide from me while trying to be brave. But as far as I can see you're nothing but a lying thief with false ideas and selfish ideals that you stole from me and made your own, now you're alone. A queen with an empty throne longing for a king not to sit next to her, but have sex with her, 'cause deep down in her darkened core she's nothing but an empty whore, searching for a cure to fill the void she tortured then left me for.

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All's Hell But Ends Well

I've hit rock bottom, now my back's against the wall
with a fully loaded thought-gun and a clear view of it all.
I don't wanna be invincible, just rid me of my pain
Get drunk and stoned and martyred all while dancing in the rain
I'm so afraid to pull the trigger, though I know it'll set me free
from this dark cloud growing bigger and its shadow engulfing me.
I don't wanna be invincible, just rid me of my pain
Get drunk and stoned and martyred all while dancing in the rain
Yearning for the hot sun, my back's against the wall
with a fully loaded thought-gun ready to fix this all.
There's just so many hearts I wish I'd touched, but had no guts to face,
'cause I hate myself so much that all my love just goes to waste.
I don't wanna be invincible, just rid me of my pain
Get drunk and stoned and martyred all while dancing in the rain
Laughing at the clouds, sticking out my tongue,
hoping I won't drown before my hero sun has come.

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It's difficult to count past one when you're a zero.

sleep rescues me
dreams set me free
nightmares comfort me
morning breaks me
my body hates me
my mind is killing me
and no one seems to see
no one seems to believe
all that's left of me
is who I am when I'm asleep
a lifeless body who breathes
and lives only when he dreams
sleep, rescue me?
dreams, set me free?
although that he is me
his body still hates me
his mind won't disagree
and still sleep rescues me
even though dreams set me free
nightmares are my reality
as comforting as they can be
nightmares will consume me
until all that's left of he
is a lifeless body that breathes
and lives only in its dreams
sleep, come rescue me
xxx

I don't even mind being lied to anymore, at least someone's talking to me.

Although the only one around anymore is when I'm alone,
'cuz it's so hard to count to one when you're a zero.

'As long as social eyes are glistening, these quiet eyes will be listening'

she's got these social eyes
they speak to everyone they're near
but she won't socialize
'cuz she's afraid of what you'll hear
she's got the realest eyes
their feelings always crystal clear
she just won't realize that she needs to face her fears

no one will criticize when the realest social eyes
begin to realize that to keep themselves alive
means to just face the fears she hides
let bright eyes cloud with tears to cry
and for the very first time she'll find
that to prevent her warm soft eyes
from becoming a cold hard stare,
these quiet eyes will always be there.



Just a simple puppy love type poem for a female friend who gazed toward my face for a few seconds and then adorably told me I have such cute quiet eyes. The kind that you don't notice until you get to see them up close...
Yeah, I know, I'm a sucker for romance.

-----

Unfortunately, I've painfully accepted that my graphic novel "project" is not meant to be. I've lost all motivation to make it a reality (for now). I've re-written it and drawn rough character designs and storyboards countless times and have decided that for now its best to leave it at it's current lump of coal condition. Who knows, maybe somewhere down the line time will have crushed it into a neat little diamond to be put on display, but for now it's an unpolished undeveloped mess...

Hopefully this will free up some more time and motivation to write some more actual poetry-ish blogs (like the above, except hopefully a bit better, *fingers crossed* ;]), rather than random songs and rantings and ravings as filler. :P

Love always-your bffl,
Geoff

Nerd love (wip)

So I was bored earlier and started writing a goofy love song with pop culture references, and it's still obviously a work in progress (if I even decide to finish it, haha), but I figure I'd still share:

Could I be your Magnum PI if I grow a sweet 'stache, solve all of your problems and keep you in awe
When the Evil Dead won't die, could I please be your Ash, with a fistful of boomstick and a handy chainsaw.
I'd be your #1 lineman I'd love to think, for my starting QB, my Friday Night Light,
So you'd keep them diamonds, my dear Mr. Pink, What an honor to be in that epic gunfight
You'd be my Dante, I'd be your Randal, Whatever you'd say'd be too dramatic to handle,
You'd make a great Jay, I'd be silent as a candle, even when you'd call me gay, and then call me landfill,
But I'd still just be Bob, and you could be my weave, You'd always be on the job, and I could never leave.
---



Nothing amazing yet (if ever, haha), just goofiness and puppy love I suppose. :)
--
I might even end up changing up the style a bit and go with:
Could I be your Magnum PI if I grow a sweet 'stache,
And when the Evil Dead won't die, could I please be your Ash,
Solve all of your problems and keep you in awe,
With a fistful of boomstick and my handy chainsaw.

Still a WIP, haha.

A older poem I recently found again.

Here is a piece I wrote way back in November of '07:

It's not meant to be.
She's not meant for me.
I wish it wasn't like this, but I have no say.
It's up to love to find a way.
If no way is found, I'm sadly stuck,
down, lost, trapped and out of luck.
but it's nothing compared to the pain she's felt, the thought of the hand of cards she was dealt, makes me hurt so much I can't even cry, and the sadness in her voice kills me inside.
I'm going quietly into the night, not gonna cause a scene or put up a fight.
Burning out is not an option, it hurts the ones that I love the most. The ones that would smile at the sight of my ghost.
Slowly fading away is the the sound of her voice. Slowly fading away is the only humane choice.
While serving my time as a prisoner of life, I wonder the crime I committed to deserve this.
So as I sit here and stare at the blade of this knife, I wonder when it cuts will I even feel it's bloody kiss.
The life from inside me drips onto to the floor, my heart slows its beating as I slowly die more.
Tears from my eyes sting the wound, then splash in the pool of life on my floor, and the darkness is overcome with the glow of the moon, and all the while I'm still dying more.
Night is upon us,
and quietly I go,
as I'm fading away,
I want you to know,
I've loved you forever,
and will continue to, So,
forget me completely and end my story,
of suffering plus pain minus the glory.
This started as a poem, but has become my life, the same life finishing with a coward's knife.
I finally got it,
And saw what I missed
I'm going to die with this bloody kiss
I've accepted it completely and made amends
This is the way, it's destined to end.
As this poem ends, so does my life.
I've lived my life like the blade of my knife,
Dull to begin, and ending razor-sharp, jagged, and covered in blood,
the coward who owns it,
faceless, nameless, and buried in mud.
He ran from his battles and didn't fight,
he went slowly and quietly,
and faded away,
forgotten overnight.
----

This, unlike the one I just recently wrote and posted, was a broken hearted and giving up hope for love poem, haha. Just a tad different.
I thought I had posted it before, but I looked through and did not see it. If I did post it already, I apologize. :)

It's not a love poem...It's a "Find True Love" poem

Walk beside me, or run behind me
But sure as hell, when you need to find me
Forget your ears and your eyes
let your heart lead you
Let go and see through disguise
let your mind concede to
the feelings you find deep inside
so let the tears squeeze through
eyelids shut tight and be wiped aside
by something that's real with the love that's so true
Run beside me, or walk behind me
But sure as hell, when you need to find me
Don't let your heart concede to
where your eyes, ears, and mind lead you
Unless your heart has seen through
to a mutual love that is surely true.
Run beside me, or walk behind me
But sure as hell, when you need to find me
Look through the tears and hang on to trust
Cast aside fears, and put aside lust
No matter how slow or quick you seem to be,
Sure as hell, you'll catch up and find me
whether walking beside me or running behind me
But sure as hell, just know that you'll find me.





---------------------


The "me" in question here is not exactly a person wanting to be found, but it's true love personified waiting to be found. Don't force happiness or love. Let it happen, let it take its course.
:)

It's what friends *were* for ;)

I can't take this anymore,
I'm once again their whore;
I'm broken, bruised and sore,
and bleeding on the floor,
while kneeling on all fours...
That's when they shut the door;
I'm not welcome anymore.
But that's what friends are for,
that's what friends are for.
---
Written one year ago to the day. It's amazing how people who care bring out the best in me as opposed to the "friends" I used to associate with.

"Perfection" at a cost

I knew she'd see, right from the start,
my love was free, hers'd cost my heart.
Now seeing right through it, this feeling I'd fight
Brown eyes now knew it, bright eyes shut tight
I offered all I had left, all hers for the taking,
With this heart in my chest, she'd heal of its breaking.
In that instant forgotten; the lust that we'd known
long since had rotten, our blossom that'd grown.
This split up our path, which at first seemed so lonely,
though she could turn back, mine's one way only.
The heartbreak she'd dealt, with that smile she'd force
That crush that I'd felt, had now run its course...
Brown eyes now've dried, blue eyes ever clear,
My clouds begin to hide, blue skies have now appeared.

They say swans mate for life...

I've locked myself inside my room
no time to waste, I'm leaving soon
packed my things, prepared to fight
smashed her wings and put out our light
faked a tear and wiped my eye
no look back, no wave goodbye
An ocean of blood and gallons of tears
the slinging of mud which preys on our fears
In this age of grotesque, arguments won with violence
Not a whisper of protest, among this deafening silence.
I see her, she smiles, my stomach exhales
she traveled for miles, but to no avail
I see her, I cry, she kneels at my grave
My last tear a lie that still she forgave

"Agony in Irony"

Agony in irony, flick a Bic ignite the fire in me
Hearts apart, yet you still call me, try to involve me
We both know things will never change, where ever we go
You began to let me go, pull me back to censor me,
Took away my will to give, gave away my will to live
Broke my heart, burning agony on which I thrive, I smile to heal and to survive.

Agony in irony, extinguish the fire in me
Hearts apart, yet you still call me, try to involve me

Agony, irony burning inside me
Agony, irony, oh

We both know things will never change, where ever we go
You began to let me go, pull me back to censor me,
Took away my will to give, Crumpled up my will to live
Broke my heart, burning agony on which I thrive, I smile to heal and to survive.

Agony in irony, extinguished the fire in me
Broken heart, but you've stopped your calls to me, Alone I sleep, finally my world is all to me.

Agony, Irony, now fueling the smile inside me
__________________
This is nothing more than a simple rewrite of Paul McCartney's "Ebony and Ivory". Just something new I figured I'd try, a change of pace to battle boredom. It's a phrase I'd always been partial too. Somewhat like cruel situations that were ironic to the point you just have to laugh 'cuz it's that unbelievable.
It stems from a past incident where I decided to help a female friend and make sure that she wasn't alone for the night. I blew off sure plans to go out for the night and just have fun with the guys to make sure she was OK...only to have her seek solace in the arms of a guy who would in time break her heart. After all that I went through to help her, I was the one who spent the night alone and "not OK"...I sat there thinking of the confusion I was feeling because of the sheer irony of the nights events...but that's in the past now.

I'm not sure if I've finally gone insane or if my heart is healed, but either way, I can smile again and without the aid of "love" or having to fake it. Genuine smiling is something I missed, and it's finally returned.
Am I happy? I wouldn't quite say that, Content is more fitting. But either way, my smile is back.

Life's a joke, so pretend you get it and keep laughing 'til you die

"Dealers lose their crunk, riches back to rags
'edgers become drunks, with the bitches and the fags"
"News" of their "pain" never ceases, as these jokes begin to bloom
Everyone's insane, falling to pieces and we've seemingly become the broom
Sweeping is our purpose, the trash of a country littered with hate
But this is just the surface, the skin of a paralytic political state
In a time we need a leader most, one who's just and true,
We're ridiculed to death with jokes, what's this broom to do?
---

This is about how news is so disgusting nowadays that it focuses more on entertainment and who's fuckin' who, or who's in rehab, or who's coming out, when important issues such as politics get biased stories put out to try and deceive people by not telling the whole story. Anyone who says "I read about it on the internet" and then expects a reaction that is anything besides being scoffed at and then ridiculed for their ignorance deserves any verbal lashing they receive. Focus on issues and the candidates stances on them.
This isn't like American Idol where you can vote for the hot chick with the great voice but shitty songwriting skills and wake up in the morning and not give a damn if you never see her again...and no, that was not a knock on Palin. Get all the facts first and then form an opinion. And please, make sure you actually get the facts. Otherwise, stick to your American Idol and leave politics to people who actually know what they're talking about and equally give a fuck about their future.

Writer's block = laziness ;)

Resting on my leg, a mess of noise it makes
Turn its tuning peg, perfect pitch; it breaks
awoken from its sleep, the demon begins to feed
gnawing in so deep, instantly I bleed.
Quenching hunger pains, making me its whore.
leaving crimson stains, as it has before
bit the hand that feeds, trapping me once more
satisfied its needs, fell dead t'ward the floor
Bitter in its old age, teeth ripping through my thumb
Emptying its final rage, too weak it had become.
My wound will heal with time, its inspiration I'll abuse.
Exploit it with this rhyme, steal attention with my ruse
The emotions it may bring, and some it might confuse.
How a broken string, has now become my muse.


----
I wrote this yesterday afternoon in about 10 minutes.
I was at a family party and there was a small really cheap guitar sitting in a toy chest that caught my eye. I picked it up and began tuning it up. I figured at the very least I'd entertain my younger cousins with some goofy songs and give their parents a break. What I didn't expect was while I was tuning it to a nearby piano, apparently the G-string was strung improperly and had significant wear to it. So, I had the guitar tuned to a perfect pitch except the G-string, so I began to turn the peg and unexpectedly, the string snapped and swung up, wrapped around my right thumb and left a small "gash". And although it bled like hell and looked like an impressive war wound, it was actually nothing more than a small slice, but it gave me a thought of a time wasting poem. And that's how this came to be.
I mean, I've done it before, tuned a string improperly and ended up snapping it and getting a droplet of blood from a small cut, but this time it was just so odd that it bled quite convincingly, I had to take some time to just admire and then of course document with words this Saint Elmo's Fire-esque phenomenon I had witnessed, haha.
:)
I also had an alternate end to the "Exploit it with this rhyme, steal attention with my ruse" line. Where instead I had "Exploit it with this rhyme, gain attention I can't refuse" but I figured the former fit better as, after all, it's more of a take on modern music than anything. Just a play on "those fuckin' emo scene kids" who apparently just take emotions and exaggerate them until they make money, or at least that's I was told by a friend who is a (self proclaimed) "music fan". ;)

Our future is history (I wish you had told me)

How much longer can I take this,
(Bleeding regret of my lies)
No longer will I fake this,
(Epitome of what I despise)
Told you I'd listen
(You spit in my face)
Told me you miss him
(I'm full of disgrace)

I
Was
A-Lone
(Hope had arrived)
You
Were
My Home
(I felt so alive)

Now listen intently
(This won't be repeated)
These hints that you've sent me
(They won't be repeated)
Straight from your heart
(Already defeated)
Broke me apart
(So fuckin' conceited)

Just Take Me Home!
(You don't even know)
Just Leave Me Alone!
(But don't let me go)

I Never let you down
(Told you I wouldn't)
You still stripped my crown
(Told me you couldn't)
My queen on her throne
(Ignored my advice)
And now she's alone
(It must be so nice)

Just
Take
Me Home
(I'll fall back asleep)
Can't
Be
A-Lone
(Fall back asleep)

(It must be so nice)

"soap opera to sitcom, sitcom to suicide"

Open my eyes, stare at the ceiling
can't seem to shake this kicked in the gut feeling
I reach toward the extended hand before me,
firmly grasp it in mine and pull as hard as I can.
I get to that point just before standing,
start to smile and see that I'm awake,
the hand disappears and I lose my balance,
I land flat back on the ground, back where we started...
Drift off to sleep, back where I started.

A Fire Inside

My flames have died down, the water's been poured,
They've stomped out the embers, I guess they got bored.
The fire which once warmed them, was forced to burn out.
Now that it's gone, they'll miss it no doubt,
They'll walk on forever, leaving ashes behind them
They'll forget who they were, no one to remind them
They'll shamelessly shiver in this frigid cold weather,
Not knowing they were the glue that held me together.
They were what kept me alive, bringing my spirits higher.
My friends were what continuously fuelled this ever-fading fire.


Up until very recently, I had written off my friends as unreliable and unpredictable to the point where they had become predictable. I'd make plans and get excited and then minutes before, they would cancel on me or rain check it. Honestly, it pissed me off to no end, and now that I've begun to look back and think about it, I mean really think it through, I've found the truth. I've been blaming all of my problems and inadequacies in my life on my friends. Now, of course I hadn't come out and said it to their faces, but I sure as hell thought about it. The truth is that my friends and family are THE sole reason I am who I am and me being the unappreciative fuck-up that I am, wasn't paying attention to anything besides my own loneliness and heartbreak.
I'd sit home and either cry and be a bitch about being cancelled on or I'd just sleep everything off, sometimes even cry until I slept things off. I'd like to think I'm past that now, and I'll explain why. I blamed my friends for being unreliable and causing me to just say fuck everything and sleep until I felt better. It's not their fault in the least. It's my own. I'm too nice and I get too emotionally involved in things. I've always been the guy to take everything to heart and worry too much. Those may be things I can't control because they're my personality and how I am. What I can control is not getting down over the small things. Sure I can still feel like shit and forgotten, but what I need to do after that is get my ass moving again and find some way to further my life and work toward something I want. Every time someone bails on me it's because they either got a better offer or it's because they're doing something to make their future brighter while I sit here and dwell on the fact my life is a downward spiral. I have to get my ass up, dust myself off, swallow my pride and move the fuck on and up.

I love my friends and family to death and I've focused so much time blaming them that I've neglected my own well being. If I'm ever going to get anywhere, I gotta keep my mouth shut, keep my eyes forward and keep sprinting toward the finish line and when I get there, run through it as fast as I can, never look back and never stop until I physically can't go on anymore, drop to my hands and knees and keep crawling.

They're not the problem, nor have they ever been. I'm the sole problem in my life and since I've always been that problem solver, it's time to do work.

By your side

That's not what I said, you must've misheard,
Most times I stutter and I fuck up my words.
I'm totally fine, not sick in the least,
When reality is; I'm filled with disease.
My stomach turns and I start to feel ill,
everything's spinning yet I'm standing still.
Covered in sweat, I'll still huddle near,
'Cuz when I'm by your side, you've got nothing to fear.

Seeking solace in the tears of my downfall.

Ran out into the rain, away from all my fears,
It masked my obvious pain, it washed away my tears.
----
Took back the reigns and hopped in the saddle,
determined to gallop through and win this losing battle.

Tonight, tonight.

Nothing's as calming or peaceful to me,
and when this very evening ceases to be,
I'll lock up my mind, just you wait and see that darkness is the keeper of my skeleton key,
when she arrives knowing just what I need, she'll unlock my smile, as my thoughts have been freed.

Absolut Love.

Tied the noose all by himself,
not too loose, it just reached the shelf.
Above him was the absolute best
His friends, family, all of the rest,
As they looked down on him from above,
He'd feel their burning undeserved love
What they missed was the heart he'd mirror back,
His blood and his passion, tightly entwined, no slack.
It'll keep him below where, forever he'll gasp for air
Until he stops his unrelenting care, he'll selflessly suffocate hanging there.