Pearl Jam - "Porch"
I finally found a decent clip of this, and not only is it decent, but it's HD! :D
Like 'em or not, they've been going strong for 20 years and show no signs of stopping (and thank goodness for that). Pearl Jam is one of the few bands who have been able to stay true to their roots, respectful to their fans, and stay relevant doing all of it.
That performance of "Porch" is one that captures the very reason I'm a fan. They do what they do because it's who they are. :)
I've got nothing clever to close with, Love,
Geoff
:]
P.S. - I'm still holding out for a release of Pearl Jam's entire, uncut Unplugged performance, so anyone who has any pull for that, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE make it happen!
Friday, November 27, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
"If your job served as little purpose as theirs, wouldn't you lose it too?" or "What I'm thankful for."
If you've ever seen Clerks, then you might know the first part of the title is about the "Shell Shock" phenomenon. It's when someone comes into a store with the intent of finding the perfect carton of eggs. They perform all sorts of odd tests in search of that perfect carton. But, they always pay for what they break and they never really bother anybody... But it only happens with school guidance counselors. But why guidance counselors?
To which the girl explaining it says, "If your job served as little purpose as theirs, wouldn't you lose it too?"
Dante responds with "Come to think of it, my guidance counselor was kinda worthless".
What the hell does this have to do with anything, you ask? Well, very recently my mother was telling me about all the messed up things that my school teachers and school counselors would tell my parents about me. They'd lecture my parents on how to properly bring up a child, they'd tell them I was over-medicated, that I was just looking for attention, that I was faking. Some even went as far as threatening to call DSS on my parents because they refused to keep me back in 2nd grade. Why did they suggest I stay back in 2nd grade, you ask? They said it was because I never really raised my hand to ask for help or ask questions and that I was very quiet. I had great grades, was extremely kind and thoughtful to others, yet kept to myself a lot. Most teachers would call that a model student. But no, the teacher and counselor told my parents that if I refused to participate in classroom conversations, I *must* be kept back...
Yes, because I was quiet and was a good student, I should have to leave all my friends, and spend one more year in the class with a teacher who already though my parents were sick, abusive, and ignorant. My parents stood their ground and didn't keep me back, and for that I am thankful. But, the next year, the school made it mandatory that I see the school counselor twice a week. (Yes, pull me out of class for 45 minutes twice a week so I can miss school work, great idea! Thus began the other kids making fun of me for needing special help, so again, knock-up job!!)
Which brings me to this story which my mother told me and I couldn't help but laugh:
In 3rd grade, the school counselor had me draw a picture of my immediate family. I was eight years old, so I was like, Hell yeah! I get to draw! And I was stoked because I got to draw me wearing my new Bret Hart shirt. So I began to draw my parents, brothers and cat and saved myself for last because I wanted to take extra time to put detail into the Hitman. Shortly after I put pencil to paper though, I realized that I poorly allotted space for myself and bitchin' new shirt, so I asked for another piece of paper so I could finish it properly. She said no, so I made do with what I had.
I decided to be artistic and have me peeking around the side of the page and giving a thumbs up, because again, I was eight and figured hey, it's an excuse to draw in school... So I had just drawn an amazing portrait of a loving American family, MY loving American family and me in my Bret Hart shirt. I even drew my cat's tail with the "whoosh" quick movement lines so it looked like her tail was wagging back and forth...
Totally not realizing it was about to be used as "proof" that my parents were abusive.
My counselor saw it a bit differently. To her it was a horrifying and sickening portrayal of abuse, one of the worst she'd ever seen. She saw that since my parents were drawn so much taller than my brothers, that it was more than obvious that I felt that we were helpless against my parents' wrath over us. (or ya know, the fact that they actually were taller than us)
She thought that the cat's tail was a metaphor for how I felt: that I wanted to run away from it all, yet every time I tried, I was swung back into the abuse. Finally, she saw that since I was drawn so small, it seemed that's how I felt in life, that I was "a mere ant in a world of giants" and since I was sideways and had no legs (because she wouldn't give me another piece of paper, if she did, I woulda been able to draw myself huge just to show off my friggin' sick Excellence of Execution Bret friggin' 'Hitman' Hart T-shirt!), she thought it meant that I felt paralyzed with fear that I couldn't escape the grasp of my parents' demented ways... She also noticed that I handed it to her upside down, so the thumbs up was actually a thumbs down and I was trying to send her that message. (Or ya know, I slid it across the table to her and because I was facing her, it was upside down?)
I don't really have any clever or funny way of ending this, but I do have this:
For all the shit she claimed to see in my drawings and hear in what I talked with her about, she missed a whole hell of a lot of stuff that would be easy to see if she would sit back and forget her mind-analyzing bullshit. My parents made a lunch for me every single fucking day. My parents packed a snack for me every single fucking day. My parents never missed a parent/teacher conference, never once missed a school play, concert, choir performance, soccer practice, soccer game, baseball practice, baseball game or any other things like that. So after hearing that that ignorant bitch tried to tell them that they were abusive or negligent, all I could do was laugh. And because I have loving, supportive, and amazing parents and family, I am thankful.
As for that guidance counselor, she can go suck eggs... if she doesn't already.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Your biggest fan,
Geoff
:]
To which the girl explaining it says, "If your job served as little purpose as theirs, wouldn't you lose it too?"
Dante responds with "Come to think of it, my guidance counselor was kinda worthless".
What the hell does this have to do with anything, you ask? Well, very recently my mother was telling me about all the messed up things that my school teachers and school counselors would tell my parents about me. They'd lecture my parents on how to properly bring up a child, they'd tell them I was over-medicated, that I was just looking for attention, that I was faking. Some even went as far as threatening to call DSS on my parents because they refused to keep me back in 2nd grade. Why did they suggest I stay back in 2nd grade, you ask? They said it was because I never really raised my hand to ask for help or ask questions and that I was very quiet. I had great grades, was extremely kind and thoughtful to others, yet kept to myself a lot. Most teachers would call that a model student. But no, the teacher and counselor told my parents that if I refused to participate in classroom conversations, I *must* be kept back...
Yes, because I was quiet and was a good student, I should have to leave all my friends, and spend one more year in the class with a teacher who already though my parents were sick, abusive, and ignorant. My parents stood their ground and didn't keep me back, and for that I am thankful. But, the next year, the school made it mandatory that I see the school counselor twice a week. (Yes, pull me out of class for 45 minutes twice a week so I can miss school work, great idea! Thus began the other kids making fun of me for needing special help, so again, knock-up job!!)
Which brings me to this story which my mother told me and I couldn't help but laugh:
In 3rd grade, the school counselor had me draw a picture of my immediate family. I was eight years old, so I was like, Hell yeah! I get to draw! And I was stoked because I got to draw me wearing my new Bret Hart shirt. So I began to draw my parents, brothers and cat and saved myself for last because I wanted to take extra time to put detail into the Hitman. Shortly after I put pencil to paper though, I realized that I poorly allotted space for myself and bitchin' new shirt, so I asked for another piece of paper so I could finish it properly. She said no, so I made do with what I had.
I decided to be artistic and have me peeking around the side of the page and giving a thumbs up, because again, I was eight and figured hey, it's an excuse to draw in school... So I had just drawn an amazing portrait of a loving American family, MY loving American family and me in my Bret Hart shirt. I even drew my cat's tail with the "whoosh" quick movement lines so it looked like her tail was wagging back and forth...
Totally not realizing it was about to be used as "proof" that my parents were abusive.
My counselor saw it a bit differently. To her it was a horrifying and sickening portrayal of abuse, one of the worst she'd ever seen. She saw that since my parents were drawn so much taller than my brothers, that it was more than obvious that I felt that we were helpless against my parents' wrath over us. (or ya know, the fact that they actually were taller than us)
She thought that the cat's tail was a metaphor for how I felt: that I wanted to run away from it all, yet every time I tried, I was swung back into the abuse. Finally, she saw that since I was drawn so small, it seemed that's how I felt in life, that I was "a mere ant in a world of giants" and since I was sideways and had no legs (because she wouldn't give me another piece of paper, if she did, I woulda been able to draw myself huge just to show off my friggin' sick Excellence of Execution Bret friggin' 'Hitman' Hart T-shirt!), she thought it meant that I felt paralyzed with fear that I couldn't escape the grasp of my parents' demented ways... She also noticed that I handed it to her upside down, so the thumbs up was actually a thumbs down and I was trying to send her that message. (Or ya know, I slid it across the table to her and because I was facing her, it was upside down?)
I don't really have any clever or funny way of ending this, but I do have this:
For all the shit she claimed to see in my drawings and hear in what I talked with her about, she missed a whole hell of a lot of stuff that would be easy to see if she would sit back and forget her mind-analyzing bullshit. My parents made a lunch for me every single fucking day. My parents packed a snack for me every single fucking day. My parents never missed a parent/teacher conference, never once missed a school play, concert, choir performance, soccer practice, soccer game, baseball practice, baseball game or any other things like that. So after hearing that that ignorant bitch tried to tell them that they were abusive or negligent, all I could do was laugh. And because I have loving, supportive, and amazing parents and family, I am thankful.
As for that guidance counselor, she can go suck eggs... if she doesn't already.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Your biggest fan,
Geoff
:]
Sunday, October 25, 2009
"The Straight Edge Hero"
I've been thinking a lot about it lately, and since I just realized tonight that I've never fully explained it, I feel it's time to explain my original intentions for this blog and it's title. So kick back (but not too far so you can't read this) and relax and read and enjoy! :)
I struggled with anxiety even at a very young age. When I was first put in pre-school about nineteen years ago, I suffered from severe social anxiety. Ever since, I've struggled with it constantly.
As an attempt to escape the pain and terror of reality, I'd close my eyes and imagine a world where I was the person who I truly wanted to be. From the age of four on, I'd picture myself as this bad-ass kid who stood up to his fears, crossed lines to fight for his beliefs and stand up to the ones who'd try to break him down. It wasn't until I was in fifth grade that I finally thought in depth about who he really is and I ended up creating a whole persona for this alter-ego/entity I'd created.
*Enter Nick Murphiez*
Nick is exactly like me, but with the personality and traits that I could only dream of having as well. He has the physical strength, charisma, and charm as my younger brother, the intelligence and ability to retain knowledge in such a vast array of subjects like my older brother, the dedication and passion for life that my parents possess, the wisdom and wit of my grandparents and the drive, motivation and never-take-"no"-for-an-answer fighting spirit that my best friend has always put forth. Nick has the quick wit and ability to come up with solutions to even the most difficult of scenarios... like MacGuyer times infinity. He never backs down, never says never and never gives up. He is the Straight Edge Hero, free in all the ways I am not, kind of like my own Tyler Durden, except I've never taken on that persona... (at least not that I'm aware of so far, haha)
In this blog, I was originally going to just share stories of what he had done in the alternate universe that he lived in, which always paralleled ours, yet he had the balls to do what/who-*wink* I couldn't. In fact, one of the first scenarios I'd ever fully played out in my head was him asking out a girl that I was hardcore crushing on in fifth grade. Right after, I even wrote up a love note (of what he'd have written) on the back of one of my math tests to give to her. That was one of my first ever heart-felt poems complete with silly metaphors and cryptic writings (possibly the conception of my writing style). Sadly I never gave it to her because I was not him, so I didn't have the guts, haha. I actually got into trouble with my teacher and parents because my parents were concerned that I was hiding a bad grade and that I wouldn't admit to needing extra help in my studies, while my teacher was accusing me of trying to get extra attention from my parents, haha. I fixed the situation after seeing what Nick was doing to deal with it and taking a bit of his ingenuity, I applied it to real life: I snagged a new blank copy of the test and rewrote all the answers the exact same way, made all the corrections my teacher made, graded it and then handed it to my parents, problem solved. :)
Now you're probably thinking I'm some schizo-nutball or something, which may very well be true, but he does help me. I guess it's like my conscience personified in my mind, haha. Ok, that even sounded insane to me, but whatever, haha... Moving on... So I, being the watered-down shell of Nick, have dubbed myself the Straight Edge Zero, and these are my silly life stories, kinda-ish, haha. Nick was also the main character in my infamous shelved graphic novel.
Well there ya go, a little bit of insight on how insane I really am, haha. Glad you read along, thanks! :)
I'll end with what my current obsessions and going-ons in life...
I'm addicted to Arizona Arnold Palmer Half & Half (Half Iced Tea and Half Lemonade), Double Stuf Halloween Oreos, chocolate milk, cinnamon raisin toast (with butter and a little bit of grape jelly on top), cinnamon raisin bagels (with a bit of cream cheese on top), McDonald's double cheeseburgers and crispy chipotle BBQ chicken snack wraps, pineapple soda, black cherry soda, fruit flavored Mentos, and Ramen noodles.
I've been immersing myself in the original Star Wars trilogy (again), all things Kevin Smith, Batman comics, video games, buying copious amounts of Blu-ray movies as well as standard DVDs, the new Alice in Chains album Black Gives Way to Blue (Elton frickin' John plays piano on the title track), Pearl Jam's Backspacer album, and the wonderful world of twitter.
Also, go see Zombieland, it's amazing!
So I will now take my leave of absence for the time being, but do not fear, I shall return soon, possibly with something worth reading. ;)
Love always and forever and ever,
Geoff
:]
One last note - if you're gonna be in the Las Vegas, NV area on the 21st of November, please please please go check out the film festival and more specifically, the short film: Catching On: The Day the World Turned Gay. Not only is it my big screen debut (ok, so I'm not a main character, but I do get a bit of screen time! :D), but it's also a great movie. Funny stuff with a great message:
Details of 'Catching On' at the NV Film Festival
I'll even go this far, if you pay and go see the movie, the next time you're in my neck of the woods, I'll take you out for dinner. Plus I'll love you forever, I promise. :)
I struggled with anxiety even at a very young age. When I was first put in pre-school about nineteen years ago, I suffered from severe social anxiety. Ever since, I've struggled with it constantly.
As an attempt to escape the pain and terror of reality, I'd close my eyes and imagine a world where I was the person who I truly wanted to be. From the age of four on, I'd picture myself as this bad-ass kid who stood up to his fears, crossed lines to fight for his beliefs and stand up to the ones who'd try to break him down. It wasn't until I was in fifth grade that I finally thought in depth about who he really is and I ended up creating a whole persona for this alter-ego/entity I'd created.
*Enter Nick Murphiez*
Nick is exactly like me, but with the personality and traits that I could only dream of having as well. He has the physical strength, charisma, and charm as my younger brother, the intelligence and ability to retain knowledge in such a vast array of subjects like my older brother, the dedication and passion for life that my parents possess, the wisdom and wit of my grandparents and the drive, motivation and never-take-"no"-for-an-answer fighting spirit that my best friend has always put forth. Nick has the quick wit and ability to come up with solutions to even the most difficult of scenarios... like MacGuyer times infinity. He never backs down, never says never and never gives up. He is the Straight Edge Hero, free in all the ways I am not, kind of like my own Tyler Durden, except I've never taken on that persona... (at least not that I'm aware of so far, haha)
In this blog, I was originally going to just share stories of what he had done in the alternate universe that he lived in, which always paralleled ours, yet he had the balls to do what/who-*wink* I couldn't. In fact, one of the first scenarios I'd ever fully played out in my head was him asking out a girl that I was hardcore crushing on in fifth grade. Right after, I even wrote up a love note (of what he'd have written) on the back of one of my math tests to give to her. That was one of my first ever heart-felt poems complete with silly metaphors and cryptic writings (possibly the conception of my writing style). Sadly I never gave it to her because I was not him, so I didn't have the guts, haha. I actually got into trouble with my teacher and parents because my parents were concerned that I was hiding a bad grade and that I wouldn't admit to needing extra help in my studies, while my teacher was accusing me of trying to get extra attention from my parents, haha. I fixed the situation after seeing what Nick was doing to deal with it and taking a bit of his ingenuity, I applied it to real life: I snagged a new blank copy of the test and rewrote all the answers the exact same way, made all the corrections my teacher made, graded it and then handed it to my parents, problem solved. :)
Now you're probably thinking I'm some schizo-nutball or something, which may very well be true, but he does help me. I guess it's like my conscience personified in my mind, haha. Ok, that even sounded insane to me, but whatever, haha... Moving on... So I, being the watered-down shell of Nick, have dubbed myself the Straight Edge Zero, and these are my silly life stories, kinda-ish, haha. Nick was also the main character in my infamous shelved graphic novel.
Well there ya go, a little bit of insight on how insane I really am, haha. Glad you read along, thanks! :)
I'll end with what my current obsessions and going-ons in life...
I'm addicted to Arizona Arnold Palmer Half & Half (Half Iced Tea and Half Lemonade), Double Stuf Halloween Oreos, chocolate milk, cinnamon raisin toast (with butter and a little bit of grape jelly on top), cinnamon raisin bagels (with a bit of cream cheese on top), McDonald's double cheeseburgers and crispy chipotle BBQ chicken snack wraps, pineapple soda, black cherry soda, fruit flavored Mentos, and Ramen noodles.
I've been immersing myself in the original Star Wars trilogy (again), all things Kevin Smith, Batman comics, video games, buying copious amounts of Blu-ray movies as well as standard DVDs, the new Alice in Chains album Black Gives Way to Blue (Elton frickin' John plays piano on the title track), Pearl Jam's Backspacer album, and the wonderful world of twitter.
Also, go see Zombieland, it's amazing!
So I will now take my leave of absence for the time being, but do not fear, I shall return soon, possibly with something worth reading. ;)
Love always and forever and ever,
Geoff
:]
One last note - if you're gonna be in the Las Vegas, NV area on the 21st of November, please please please go check out the film festival and more specifically, the short film: Catching On: The Day the World Turned Gay. Not only is it my big screen debut (ok, so I'm not a main character, but I do get a bit of screen time! :D), but it's also a great movie. Funny stuff with a great message:
Details of 'Catching On' at the NV Film Festival
I'll even go this far, if you pay and go see the movie, the next time you're in my neck of the woods, I'll take you out for dinner. Plus I'll love you forever, I promise. :)
My goodness, it's been over a month!
The lack of updates and writing lately has been due to an extreme lack of quality in my material. I'm an odd duck, plain and simple. I write everyday, but hardly any of it is more than bitch sessions and half-finished poems or lyrics.
I've mentioned it before, but to really get my point across, writing is my release. My scribbles are the equivalent of other people's punching of pillows, therapy sessions, crying on a friend's shoulder, screaming at the top of their lungs and even cutting. It allows me to put into words (either being blunt and direct or in metaphors and cryptic stories) my frustrations, thoughts, and pain. It gives me an audience who will forever be on my side and who, at the same time, are completely disposable. If I ever feel that they have turned on me, I can easily cross them out, crush them and toss them away or even force them to turn away and write behind their backs.
Unfortunately, lately I've been struggling to come up with anything that is worthwhile of sharing. It's mostly been me pissing and moaning about "friends" and their uncanny ability to seem more and more ignorant everyday. Notice I put them in quotes because as far as I'm concerned, they barely classify as humans because of their absolutely disturbing view of themselves. You must understand that they're Christians (we'll go with Jesus freaks though because it offends them to no end) and so of course they believe that everything fun is a sin and wrong, therefor they avoid it all.
Here's where I must apologize because after reading over what I've written below this, it's gonna be a bitch session, haha. Read ahead if you're not easily bored. ;)
They go out of their way to point out what they don't believe and point out how others are wrong or sick or sinners. They brag of not drinking or doing drugs or having sex or doing anything that involves fun, haha. I'll be completely honest, a couple years ago I was in a militant straight edge phase (as seen in some of my earliest posts). But, I have good reasons, for one, I'd been watching a few friends spiraling downward and suffering through addictions. Also, I had a run-in with a few former friends who had become a mere shell of their former selves and it scared me to death that it would become of my closest loved ones. Also I was depressed and at a low point emotionally, so any little thing that set me off was going to be shunned, haha.
Nowadays, I don't drink or do any recreational drugs, I have however smoked a few cigars with my younger brother, but just because it was more of a brotherly bonding session and it put him at ease.
But yes, the other giant part that rounds out their shunned "sinners" is homosexuals. I won't go off on it now, but let me just write this, for an all powerful and loving creator, he sure hates a lot of people because they lead their own lifestyles. And a quote of course, haha:
"We must question the story logic of having an all-knowing all-powerful God, who creates faulty Humans, and then blames them for his own mistakes." -Gene Roddenberry
--END RANT---
But yeah, all I've been writing lately is rants about how I hate people, etc., haha But this is already too much for one entry, but fear not because right above this, there is a new fresh fun entry just for you. :D
Be right back,
Love always,
Geoff
:]
I've mentioned it before, but to really get my point across, writing is my release. My scribbles are the equivalent of other people's punching of pillows, therapy sessions, crying on a friend's shoulder, screaming at the top of their lungs and even cutting. It allows me to put into words (either being blunt and direct or in metaphors and cryptic stories) my frustrations, thoughts, and pain. It gives me an audience who will forever be on my side and who, at the same time, are completely disposable. If I ever feel that they have turned on me, I can easily cross them out, crush them and toss them away or even force them to turn away and write behind their backs.
Unfortunately, lately I've been struggling to come up with anything that is worthwhile of sharing. It's mostly been me pissing and moaning about "friends" and their uncanny ability to seem more and more ignorant everyday. Notice I put them in quotes because as far as I'm concerned, they barely classify as humans because of their absolutely disturbing view of themselves. You must understand that they're Christians (we'll go with Jesus freaks though because it offends them to no end) and so of course they believe that everything fun is a sin and wrong, therefor they avoid it all.
Here's where I must apologize because after reading over what I've written below this, it's gonna be a bitch session, haha. Read ahead if you're not easily bored. ;)
They go out of their way to point out what they don't believe and point out how others are wrong or sick or sinners. They brag of not drinking or doing drugs or having sex or doing anything that involves fun, haha. I'll be completely honest, a couple years ago I was in a militant straight edge phase (as seen in some of my earliest posts). But, I have good reasons, for one, I'd been watching a few friends spiraling downward and suffering through addictions. Also, I had a run-in with a few former friends who had become a mere shell of their former selves and it scared me to death that it would become of my closest loved ones. Also I was depressed and at a low point emotionally, so any little thing that set me off was going to be shunned, haha.
Nowadays, I don't drink or do any recreational drugs, I have however smoked a few cigars with my younger brother, but just because it was more of a brotherly bonding session and it put him at ease.
But yes, the other giant part that rounds out their shunned "sinners" is homosexuals. I won't go off on it now, but let me just write this, for an all powerful and loving creator, he sure hates a lot of people because they lead their own lifestyles. And a quote of course, haha:
"We must question the story logic of having an all-knowing all-powerful God, who creates faulty Humans, and then blames them for his own mistakes." -Gene Roddenberry
--END RANT---
But yeah, all I've been writing lately is rants about how I hate people, etc., haha But this is already too much for one entry, but fear not because right above this, there is a new fresh fun entry just for you. :D
Be right back,
Love always,
Geoff
:]
Friday, September 11, 2009
Untitled entry
There's just so many hearts I wish I'd touched, but had no guts to face,
'Cuz I hate myself so much that all my love just goes to waste.
I don't wanna be invincible, just rid me of my pain.
Get drunk and stoned and martyred all while dancing in the rain.
Smiling at the clouds, sticking out my tongue,
hoping that I'll drown before the hero sun has come.
--------
This poem is one I found in my 8th grade science notebook, meaning I was 14 when I wrote it. It's from September 11th, 1999. I remember it was the second or third verse in a song which I was writing/had written to use as my suicide note/eulogy. I have no clue if I ever finished or if I blocked it out.
But, rather than leave my blog untouched until I recover from my severe case of laziness, I figured I'd share this. :)
Thank-yuh-kindly,
Geoff
'Cuz I hate myself so much that all my love just goes to waste.
I don't wanna be invincible, just rid me of my pain.
Get drunk and stoned and martyred all while dancing in the rain.
Smiling at the clouds, sticking out my tongue,
hoping that I'll drown before the hero sun has come.
--------
This poem is one I found in my 8th grade science notebook, meaning I was 14 when I wrote it. It's from September 11th, 1999. I remember it was the second or third verse in a song which I was writing/had written to use as my suicide note/eulogy. I have no clue if I ever finished or if I blocked it out.
But, rather than leave my blog untouched until I recover from my severe case of laziness, I figured I'd share this. :)
Thank-yuh-kindly,
Geoff
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
I Hope That I Don't Fall In Love With You
"I Hope That I Don't Fall In Love With You" by Tom Waits
Off of the album Closing Time
Well, I hope that I don't fall in love with you,
'Cause falling in love just makes me blue.
Well, the music plays and you display
Your heart for me to see.
I had a beer and now I hear
You calling out for me.
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you.
Well, the room is crowded, people everywhere,
And I wonder, should I offer you a chair?
Well, if you sit down with this old clown,
Take that frown and break it,
Before the evening's gone away,
I think that we could make it.
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you.
Well, the night does funny things inside a man.
These old tomcat feelings you don't understand.
Well, I turn around and look at you,
You light a cigarette,
I wish I had the guts to bum one,
But we've never met.
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you.
I can see that you are lonesome just like me,
And it being late you'd like some company.
Well, I turn around and look at you,
And you look back at me.
The guy you're with, he's up and split,
The chair next to you's free.
And I hope that you don't fall in love with me.
Now it's closing time, the music's fading out.
Last call for drinks, I'll have another stout.
Well I turn around to look at you,
you're nowhere to be found,
I search the place for your lost face,
cos' I'll have another round
And I think that I just fell in love with you.
-x-X-x-
I just recently re-discovered Tom Waits's 'Closing Time' album and have instantly fallen back in love with it (no pun intended). I also thought it was a really neat video that accompanied the song. :)
You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here... unless you want to that is,
Geoff
Friday, August 28, 2009
'The Epic Struggle'
Just wanted to share a pic I messed around with from back in the winter time... Please look past my failed attempt at growing a beard, haha.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
All good things...
Over the past few weeks, I've been having trouble with my youtube account. My videos suddenly had strange advertisements popping up over them, odd comments being made by my name... that I never typed up. I found that a former female friend had somehow gotten ahold of my account info and password and took it upon herself to try and alienate my friends and all of their videos. Without hesitation, I changed my password and began trying to undo th damage she had done, but it was all for not because the next day, she'd done even more. So I decided the best thing to do was to cut my losses and start again. So it is with a heavy heart that I here-by announce the tragic and untimely demise of my youtube account. Hopefully soon I'll be able to repost some videos and post a few new ones that I've recorded, but have yet to upload and share, but for now, my videos will be on hiatus.
I'm also on break from writing for a while as well because I've been burned out lately with other things that are going on. but fear not, you can still keep tabs on me via twitter... ;]
Tune in next time, same bat time, same bat channel,
Sincerely,
Batma-uhh... Geoff
:]
I'm also on break from writing for a while as well because I've been burned out lately with other things that are going on. but fear not, you can still keep tabs on me via twitter... ;]
Tune in next time, same bat time, same bat channel,
Sincerely,
Batma-uhh... Geoff
:]
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Love, is a burning thing...
As I've said time and time again, I just love to have fun, go out and enjoy life. Because if you gotta do something all the time and don't have fun, then it's a chore, and we all know that chores get boring fast and are usually pretty quickly left behind. So if you don't do something to make your life enjoyable or interesting, then you're not gonna love life too much, so why bother with it? (Did I just say that? A year ago I was saying that life was worthless, jeez)
I still am not completely happy where I am now in life. I still lay alone at night (technically in the morning/afternoon because I've got a ridiculous sleep schedule) questioning my own existence, why am I unable to find someone who shares my ideals or at the very least can tolerate my silliness and/or ridiculous topics of discussion? Why do so many frown upon my different techniques of thinking, different views on life and seem to condemn me for being who I am?
Recently I've found when I try to carry on a conversation with ANYONE, they quickly lose interest in what I'm saying. I find myself telling an anecdote and the person I'm conversing with, breaks eye contact, scans the surroundings and then begins to wander away. It's extremely frustrating as well as hurtful. I don't get to talk with people much, yet I LOVE doing it. I love to just talk about anything and everything with people, get different views on things, listening to what people have to say...
But it seems lately all that's happening is that I'm listening and then discussing it with myself. I don't understand why. Maybe I'm just so used to talking with myself that I've lost touch with proper conversing habits in reality. I don't really know.
What I do know is that even though I'm enjoying life and appreciating that I'm alive, I'm still lonely. I'm not lonely to the point of desperation, but I do yearn for the warm summer night adventures I had a mere year ago with someone who I'd thought shared some of my ideals...
I miss her laying her head over my heart, nuzzling her nose onto my chest and draping her left arm across my stomach while she fell asleep in my arms. I miss gently kissing her on the forehead before I drifted off as well. I miss opening my eyes and meeting hers gazing into mine. I honestly even miss the way that my elbow used to be sore and tired from it resting under her while we slept. Most importantly though, I miss the company.
Remembering all of that fondly, yet knowing it wasn't true love only makes me want to know what all of that feels like when there's a mutual love involved...
I still am not completely happy where I am now in life. I still lay alone at night (technically in the morning/afternoon because I've got a ridiculous sleep schedule) questioning my own existence, why am I unable to find someone who shares my ideals or at the very least can tolerate my silliness and/or ridiculous topics of discussion? Why do so many frown upon my different techniques of thinking, different views on life and seem to condemn me for being who I am?
Recently I've found when I try to carry on a conversation with ANYONE, they quickly lose interest in what I'm saying. I find myself telling an anecdote and the person I'm conversing with, breaks eye contact, scans the surroundings and then begins to wander away. It's extremely frustrating as well as hurtful. I don't get to talk with people much, yet I LOVE doing it. I love to just talk about anything and everything with people, get different views on things, listening to what people have to say...
But it seems lately all that's happening is that I'm listening and then discussing it with myself. I don't understand why. Maybe I'm just so used to talking with myself that I've lost touch with proper conversing habits in reality. I don't really know.
What I do know is that even though I'm enjoying life and appreciating that I'm alive, I'm still lonely. I'm not lonely to the point of desperation, but I do yearn for the warm summer night adventures I had a mere year ago with someone who I'd thought shared some of my ideals...
I miss her laying her head over my heart, nuzzling her nose onto my chest and draping her left arm across my stomach while she fell asleep in my arms. I miss gently kissing her on the forehead before I drifted off as well. I miss opening my eyes and meeting hers gazing into mine. I honestly even miss the way that my elbow used to be sore and tired from it resting under her while we slept. Most importantly though, I miss the company.
Remembering all of that fondly, yet knowing it wasn't true love only makes me want to know what all of that feels like when there's a mutual love involved...
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Here's to 23
My birthday is one of the most useless celebrations. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem partying for other people's birthdays, I love it actually. But for my birthday, I'd rather just it be another day and kind of ignore the fact that it's the anniversary of my birth. I've never really been a fan of attention of any kind, so that might factor into my feelings (or lack there of) for my birthday.I don't mind the occasional close friend or family member to wish me well on this day, but that's about it. I've always been awkward dealing with compliments of any kind, and it might be the results of never being complimented on looks, talent, skill or anything when I was younger and even into my teenage years. Nonetheless, I'm always socially awkward when receiving compliments which sometimes comes off as unappreciative but now I'm rambling and getting way off topic. The main reason behind this post is to bitch that I'm a year older, yet none wiser, haha.
Besides, to be brutally honest, there are not many people who's lives deserved to be celebrated at all, let alone once a year. ;]
Love always, to infinity and beyond,
Geoffrey the giraffe
Besides, to be brutally honest, there are not many people who's lives deserved to be celebrated at all, let alone once a year. ;]
Love always, to infinity and beyond,
Geoffrey the giraffe
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
'Catching On: The Day the World Turned Gay'
Catching On: The Day the World Turns Gay begins the day gay marriage is nationally legalized and young Brian McCabe wakes up to a nation divided. Suddenly society’s deepest fears come true when the threat of a homosexual outbreak becomes reality. Now Brian must protect himself and everyone he loves from the zombie-like gays and lesbians taking over the world. He’ll have to overcome his adolescent awkwardness, save the girl of his dreams, and try to straighten things out before it’s too late.
This hilarious horror movie satire is scheduled to be completed in early 2009. Following completion, Catching On will be submitted to film festivals all over the country.
Catching On: The Day the World Turned Gay Official Site
--x-X-x--
This is a short film that one of my best friends and his friends have made. I had the pleasure of attending the premiere of it and it was fantastic. Very well done and an absolute blast to watch.. .
Oh yeah, and it's also my big screen debut. ;)
Here's a few photos of myself all purdied up in costume. :]
Monday, August 3, 2009
'As long as social eyes are glistening, these quiet eyes will be listening'
they speak to everyone they're near
but she won't socialize
'cuz she's afraid of what you'll hear
she's got the realest eyes
their feelings always crystal clear
she just won't realize that she needs to face her fears
no one will criticize when the realest social eyes
begin to realize that to keep themselves alive
means to just face the fears she hides
let bright eyes cloud with tears to cry
and for the very first time she'll find
that to prevent her warm soft eyes
from becoming a cold hard stare,
these quiet eyes will always be there.
Just a simple puppy love type poem for a female friend who gazed toward my face for a few seconds and then adorably told me I have such cute quiet eyes. The kind that you don't notice until you get to see them up close...
Yeah, I know, I'm a sucker for romance.
-----
Unfortunately, I've painfully accepted that my graphic novel "project" is not meant to be. I've lost all motivation to make it a reality (for now). I've re-written it and drawn rough character designs and storyboards countless times and have decided that for now its best to leave it at it's current lump of coal condition. Who knows, maybe somewhere down the line time will have crushed it into a neat little diamond to be put on display, but for now it's an unpolished undeveloped mess...
Hopefully this will free up some more time and motivation to write some more actual poetry-ish blogs (like the above, except hopefully a bit better, *fingers crossed* ;]), rather than random songs and rantings and ravings as filler. :P
Love always-your bffl,
Geoff
Friday, July 31, 2009
'21st Century Breakdown' Aftermath
Here are a few videos from the Green Day show. I had to take them with my cell because I wasn't able to bring my digital camera. So that's why the quality is horrendous :)
Intro
'21st Century Breakdown'
'Know Your Enemy'
Interlude during 'Holiday'
The ending of 'Holiday'
'2,000 Light Years Away'
'Boulevard of Broken Dreams'
'Are We The Waiting/St. Jimmy'
The ending of '21 Guns'
The ending of 'Jesus of Suburbia'
And to close the show:
'Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)'
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Without you, I would not be, without you.
'Ohne Dich' by Rammstein
Ich werde in die Tannen gehen
Dahin wo ich sie zuletzt gesehen
Doch der Abend wirft ein Tuch aufs Land
und auf die Wege hinterm Waldesrand
Und der Wald er steht so schwarz und leer
Weh mir, oh weh
Und die Vögel singen nicht mehr
Ohne dich kann ich nicht sein
Ohne dich
Mit dir bin ich auch allein
Ohne dich
Ohne dich zähl ich die Stunden ohne dich
Mit dir stehen die Sekunden
Lohnen nicht
Auf den Ästen in den Gräben
ist es nun still und ohne Leben
Und das Atmen fällt mir ach so schwer
Weh mir, oh weh
Und die Vögel singen nicht mehr
Ohne dich kann ich nicht sein
Ohne dich
Mit dir bin ich auch allein
Ohne dich
Ohne dich zähl ich die Stunden ohne dich
Mit dir stehen die Sekunden
Lohnen nicht ohne dich
Monday, July 27, 2009
Acoustic Cover Cliché ftw!
So this song has been done to death by everyone and their mother and I'd say 99% of those covers
rip the testicles off of mine... Now that I've admitted that, I'll also admit I botched quite a bit of it as well, haha. And for some reason I knew full well that the lyrics are "made to be broken", yet I still said "meant to be broken" every time. And factoring in how my vocal range is pathetic, it makes for an interesting cover, haha...
rip the testicles off of mine... Now that I've admitted that, I'll also admit I botched quite a bit of it as well, haha. And for some reason I knew full well that the lyrics are "made to be broken", yet I still said "meant to be broken" every time. And factoring in how my vocal range is pathetic, it makes for an interesting cover, haha...
Monday, July 20, 2009
21st Century Breakdown
Over 12 years ago, I was introduced to an album that made my head spin with love. I'd heard this song that my buddy's older brother put on and sang along to and it instantly caught my attention...
'Basket Case'
I listened to the rest of the cassette and was blown away by what I heard. The music was so catchy, so emotional, so angsty, I was in love. The album was 'Dookie' and the band was Green Day.
Ever since that day, I've been hooked on them. Since Insomniac, I've bought every one of their albums on the day they were released and set aside the entire afternoon to let the new album sink in and just let the album play on repeat. Each album seem to be almost mirroring my feelings in life at the time. Dookie and Insomniac dealt with the teenage angst/coming of age/temptations, mshortly after that I picked up their first two albums/collections of older EPs and such: 1,039 Smoothed Out Slappy Hours and Kerplunk! which perfectly complimented my oncoming early teenage issues Nimrod was a bit more somber and grown up, Warning was a bit softer and yet even more somber and grown up, American Idiot was a somewhat more grown up and political punk/rock opera which had me hooked instantly, and then came 21st Century Breakdown which has been in my CD player since I bought it on Day 1.
Which now brings me to today, Monday, July 20th, 2009. The day all of these years of timeless lessons and therapy sessions I've felt through their songs, I get to witness them play live. Tonight I'll be heading in to town and seeing Green Day play live. And I'm so exicted that I can't even sleep.
There are very few bands that have done to me what Green Day has, and even less that are still functional today. Green Day was atop my list of bands from my youth to see before I die. The others being Nirvana, Alice In Chains, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Pearl Jam, Rage Against the Machine, and Soundgarden. The only ones left in full force is Pearl Jam.
Although there is a possibilty of a Soundgarden reunion, I'll believe it when I see it. Alice In Chains's new incarnation is playing a show in town in September, unfortunately none of my friends want to go see them, so I think I'll have to pass for now. RHCP has gone on hiatus again, but hopefully they'll be back in some fashion as I'd love to be there live for them as well. Rage Against the Machine is rumored to be back together and recording new material, so if/when that is a confirmed reality, a tour would surely follow and you can bet I'll be in the audience for one of them...
But yes, tonight I'll be rocking out to one of the main bands responsible of robbing society of another conformist. ;)
Possibly be posting some pics as well...
Stay tuned friends. :P
'Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)'
'Basket Case'
I listened to the rest of the cassette and was blown away by what I heard. The music was so catchy, so emotional, so angsty, I was in love. The album was 'Dookie' and the band was Green Day.
Ever since that day, I've been hooked on them. Since Insomniac, I've bought every one of their albums on the day they were released and set aside the entire afternoon to let the new album sink in and just let the album play on repeat. Each album seem to be almost mirroring my feelings in life at the time. Dookie and Insomniac dealt with the teenage angst/coming of age/temptations, mshortly after that I picked up their first two albums/collections of older EPs and such: 1,039 Smoothed Out Slappy Hours and Kerplunk! which perfectly complimented my oncoming early teenage issues Nimrod was a bit more somber and grown up, Warning was a bit softer and yet even more somber and grown up, American Idiot was a somewhat more grown up and political punk/rock opera which had me hooked instantly, and then came 21st Century Breakdown which has been in my CD player since I bought it on Day 1.
Which now brings me to today, Monday, July 20th, 2009. The day all of these years of timeless lessons and therapy sessions I've felt through their songs, I get to witness them play live. Tonight I'll be heading in to town and seeing Green Day play live. And I'm so exicted that I can't even sleep.
There are very few bands that have done to me what Green Day has, and even less that are still functional today. Green Day was atop my list of bands from my youth to see before I die. The others being Nirvana, Alice In Chains, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Pearl Jam, Rage Against the Machine, and Soundgarden. The only ones left in full force is Pearl Jam.
Although there is a possibilty of a Soundgarden reunion, I'll believe it when I see it. Alice In Chains's new incarnation is playing a show in town in September, unfortunately none of my friends want to go see them, so I think I'll have to pass for now. RHCP has gone on hiatus again, but hopefully they'll be back in some fashion as I'd love to be there live for them as well. Rage Against the Machine is rumored to be back together and recording new material, so if/when that is a confirmed reality, a tour would surely follow and you can bet I'll be in the audience for one of them...
But yes, tonight I'll be rocking out to one of the main bands responsible of robbing society of another conformist. ;)
Possibly be posting some pics as well...
Stay tuned friends. :P
'Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)'
Thursday, July 16, 2009
My Heart Songs Pt. 2
"Angel" by Sarah MacLachlan
There's a few different stories for this song, but I'll just touch upon the main two.
The first is back when I was 13 and was suffering from depression.
I'd decided that I was ready to end my life and rid myself of the relentless and constant pain of everyday life. I'd tried unsuccessfully two times before and decided that this time I'd found a foolproof way.
I laid awake in my room one night, and when my brother, who I shared my room with, was sound asleep, my parents and older brother had both gone to bed, I decided it was time. I grabbed my Walkman and headed quietly downstairs to the basement where earlier I had unlocked and kept open a window to slip outside. As I got outside and felt the cool night air on my skin, I put my headphones in and made my way down the hill in my backyard. My house is just a hundred yards from a small pond through some thick woods. I stopped mid stride when I realized that I had no tape in my Walkman and opting not to go back and risk being stopped, I decided that the radio would have to do. I tuned it to a random station which I had thought was a local alternative rock station in hopes that Nirvana, Pearl Jam or Alice In Chains would be on, but this song ended up being on.
For some reason with the mix of the cool damp air on my skin, the sweat pouring down my face, tears from my eyes, my body shaking, this song seemed to be perfect. Then I listened closely to the lyrics and as I sat on the dock of the pond, I broke down and cried while my mind raced; When I opened my wrists and let my life pour out into the water, what would happen? Who would find me? What would their reaction be?
Then I heard, "In the arms of an angel, may you find some comfort here..." and my mind had come to a screeching halt. I was suddenly sitting in the pew of my aunt's service, hearing 'Angels Among Us' and knowing the words, everyone in tears...
I don't remember much after that besides throwing the blade into the pond. I just remember waking up in my own bed in the morning and knowing that I was, in fact, still alive and that it was no dream. It stills brings tears to my eyes every time I think back.
-
Back in October of 2007, the younger sister of a very close female friends passed away in a car accident. It hit me extremely hard and immediately my heart was broken for their family. Her mother is a gorgeous woman and a sweetheart and both of her sisters took after their mother.
The line for her wake was unreal. I had both side pockets and my back pocket stuffed with tissues just in case. the entire wait in line outside, I was smiling, comforting, giving hugs and being used as a tissue, haha. I cracked jokes to get smiles, kissed foreheads and put my arm around some to have them feel a sense of closeness...
All the while inside I was drowning in the tears I was holding back. As we approached the door and I saw young girls and boys filing out by the dozen in tears, yet I still kept my composure. Stepping through the threshold I'd given up on talking because I knew the second I'd say something, my voice would crack and the tears would flow. As we walked past the pictures of this beautiful young girl, I felt my hands my hands begin to shake, my lower lip tremble and my eyes twitching. We then approached a small TV with a DVD player hooked up to it to play a slideshow along to music. The first song played and I still kept my composure, even amidst the cries and sobbing of everyone gathered. My entire being was numb, and for a second I thought to myself, OK, keep it together, we're almost through this...
That's when 'Angel' began to play along to the slideshow. I glanced over to my younger brother as I could feel a single tear begin to fall from each of my eyes and I saw his face. Both of his eyes were wet and as he brushed away tears, spoiling their gentle cascade down his cheeks...
I was 13 years old, on the dock overlooking the moonlit pond. This was the face of who would have found me, tears in his eyes, full of terror, horror, pain, sadness, anger and feelings of complete vulnerability...
That's when the tears flowed freely from my eyes. I wept silently as not to draw attention to myself, although with the sobbing of everyone else, I doubt I'd be noticed, even if I'd screamed at the top of my lungs. We were all their to mourn a beautiful life taken way too soon.
----
This song, there isn't much of a story for me personally behind, but more for my younger brother. Earlier this year one of his closest female friends passed away after extremely strange circumstances and it broke his heart which in turn broke mine for him. Someone had made a slideshow along to a song that described her personality perfectly...
And even though I didn't really know her personally, I still cry when I watch this video especially when the pictures of her and my brother come up:
RIP
Gabby and Catherine
Two lives taken way too soon.
There's a few different stories for this song, but I'll just touch upon the main two.
The first is back when I was 13 and was suffering from depression.
I'd decided that I was ready to end my life and rid myself of the relentless and constant pain of everyday life. I'd tried unsuccessfully two times before and decided that this time I'd found a foolproof way.
I laid awake in my room one night, and when my brother, who I shared my room with, was sound asleep, my parents and older brother had both gone to bed, I decided it was time. I grabbed my Walkman and headed quietly downstairs to the basement where earlier I had unlocked and kept open a window to slip outside. As I got outside and felt the cool night air on my skin, I put my headphones in and made my way down the hill in my backyard. My house is just a hundred yards from a small pond through some thick woods. I stopped mid stride when I realized that I had no tape in my Walkman and opting not to go back and risk being stopped, I decided that the radio would have to do. I tuned it to a random station which I had thought was a local alternative rock station in hopes that Nirvana, Pearl Jam or Alice In Chains would be on, but this song ended up being on.
For some reason with the mix of the cool damp air on my skin, the sweat pouring down my face, tears from my eyes, my body shaking, this song seemed to be perfect. Then I listened closely to the lyrics and as I sat on the dock of the pond, I broke down and cried while my mind raced; When I opened my wrists and let my life pour out into the water, what would happen? Who would find me? What would their reaction be?
Then I heard, "In the arms of an angel, may you find some comfort here..." and my mind had come to a screeching halt. I was suddenly sitting in the pew of my aunt's service, hearing 'Angels Among Us' and knowing the words, everyone in tears...
I don't remember much after that besides throwing the blade into the pond. I just remember waking up in my own bed in the morning and knowing that I was, in fact, still alive and that it was no dream. It stills brings tears to my eyes every time I think back.
-
Back in October of 2007, the younger sister of a very close female friends passed away in a car accident. It hit me extremely hard and immediately my heart was broken for their family. Her mother is a gorgeous woman and a sweetheart and both of her sisters took after their mother.
The line for her wake was unreal. I had both side pockets and my back pocket stuffed with tissues just in case. the entire wait in line outside, I was smiling, comforting, giving hugs and being used as a tissue, haha. I cracked jokes to get smiles, kissed foreheads and put my arm around some to have them feel a sense of closeness...
All the while inside I was drowning in the tears I was holding back. As we approached the door and I saw young girls and boys filing out by the dozen in tears, yet I still kept my composure. Stepping through the threshold I'd given up on talking because I knew the second I'd say something, my voice would crack and the tears would flow. As we walked past the pictures of this beautiful young girl, I felt my hands my hands begin to shake, my lower lip tremble and my eyes twitching. We then approached a small TV with a DVD player hooked up to it to play a slideshow along to music. The first song played and I still kept my composure, even amidst the cries and sobbing of everyone gathered. My entire being was numb, and for a second I thought to myself, OK, keep it together, we're almost through this...
That's when 'Angel' began to play along to the slideshow. I glanced over to my younger brother as I could feel a single tear begin to fall from each of my eyes and I saw his face. Both of his eyes were wet and as he brushed away tears, spoiling their gentle cascade down his cheeks...
I was 13 years old, on the dock overlooking the moonlit pond. This was the face of who would have found me, tears in his eyes, full of terror, horror, pain, sadness, anger and feelings of complete vulnerability...
That's when the tears flowed freely from my eyes. I wept silently as not to draw attention to myself, although with the sobbing of everyone else, I doubt I'd be noticed, even if I'd screamed at the top of my lungs. We were all their to mourn a beautiful life taken way too soon.
----
This song, there isn't much of a story for me personally behind, but more for my younger brother. Earlier this year one of his closest female friends passed away after extremely strange circumstances and it broke his heart which in turn broke mine for him. Someone had made a slideshow along to a song that described her personality perfectly...
And even though I didn't really know her personally, I still cry when I watch this video especially when the pictures of her and my brother come up:
RIP
Gabby and Catherine
Two lives taken way too soon.
My Heart Songs Pt. 1
So I've decided to post some songs that have very strong emotional connections for me as something different yet extremely cliché. It's gonna span a few posts because each has a story behind it to help explain these connections.
"Angels Among Us" by Alabama
This is a song that always brings tears to my eyes and makes me instantly cry and I'm not afraid to admit it. My aunt passed away back in 1994 after losing her battle with breast cancer. I was told that she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, but back then I was in fourth grade and didn't understand what that meant. I just figured she was sick and would be better soon and we'd be back to going to my uncle's baseball games and off playing again. I remember all the times sitting next to her bed and holding her hand, the smell of the incense and candles burning, their smoke mixing together to create a sickly sweet aroma. I can still smell it and remember the feeling of my stomach turning, yet as sick as I felt, it was very calming in a way maybe even a bit peaceful.
The night I was told she passed away, it felt like someone had kicked me in the gut as hard as they could. I couldn't breathe, I cried uncontrollably, I shivered violently and couldn't even stand up. My stomach turned and turned, yet I couldn't throw up even though I fought hard to purge myself of everything just to lessen the pain. It was the first close death I'd ever experienced and it nearly killed me.
At her memorial service, there were hundreds (close to a thousand, no exaggeration) people. I remember sitting in the pew, seeing all these people and how she had touched all of their lives; friends, co-workers, acquaintances, and of course family. I knew less than 50 people in the entire church, yet seeing them all weep as hard as I was made me realize that even though we didn't know each other, we all were hurting from the loss of such an amazing person.
Just before the service ended, they played this song which I had never heard before, and it was her favorite song. It was one of the most surreal experiences I've ever been a part of. As soon as this song started playing, I knew the lyrics. Maybe it was playing every time I held her hand in her bed, yet I'd never noticed, but somehow I knew all the lyrics, still do to this day. All I can think of now when I hear this song is all those people gathered together and hope that when I die, if I can have a gathering of even half as many as that day, then I'd consider my life worth it.
"Angels Among Us" by Alabama
This is a song that always brings tears to my eyes and makes me instantly cry and I'm not afraid to admit it. My aunt passed away back in 1994 after losing her battle with breast cancer. I was told that she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, but back then I was in fourth grade and didn't understand what that meant. I just figured she was sick and would be better soon and we'd be back to going to my uncle's baseball games and off playing again. I remember all the times sitting next to her bed and holding her hand, the smell of the incense and candles burning, their smoke mixing together to create a sickly sweet aroma. I can still smell it and remember the feeling of my stomach turning, yet as sick as I felt, it was very calming in a way maybe even a bit peaceful.
The night I was told she passed away, it felt like someone had kicked me in the gut as hard as they could. I couldn't breathe, I cried uncontrollably, I shivered violently and couldn't even stand up. My stomach turned and turned, yet I couldn't throw up even though I fought hard to purge myself of everything just to lessen the pain. It was the first close death I'd ever experienced and it nearly killed me.
At her memorial service, there were hundreds (close to a thousand, no exaggeration) people. I remember sitting in the pew, seeing all these people and how she had touched all of their lives; friends, co-workers, acquaintances, and of course family. I knew less than 50 people in the entire church, yet seeing them all weep as hard as I was made me realize that even though we didn't know each other, we all were hurting from the loss of such an amazing person.
Just before the service ended, they played this song which I had never heard before, and it was her favorite song. It was one of the most surreal experiences I've ever been a part of. As soon as this song started playing, I knew the lyrics. Maybe it was playing every time I held her hand in her bed, yet I'd never noticed, but somehow I knew all the lyrics, still do to this day. All I can think of now when I hear this song is all those people gathered together and hope that when I die, if I can have a gathering of even half as many as that day, then I'd consider my life worth it.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
A Looking In View
I'm sure most know that on April 5th, 2002, after a long battle with personal demons, Layne Staley passed away. The story goes like this:
He died alone, in his apartment after overdosing. he wasn't found until about 2 weeks later when the police were called to kick the door down. Such a sad way to silence such an amazing voice.
When I had first heard it announced, it was 10 AM and I was sitting in my grandparent's living room watching some silly VH1 show. This was a very sad day for me personally as I grew up listening to Alice in Chains and fell in love with the vocals combo of Layne and Jerry Cantrell. Alice In Chains had been on an indefinite hiatus after their Unplugged performance (which is still one of the most amazing and chilling performances I've ever seen), so the death of Layne had pretty much put a nail in the coffin of my hopes of new material as well as getting to see them in concert one day...
That was until I heard that they were together and working with vocalist William Duvall. Despite a little different vocal range/style, he seem to compliment AiC's style nicely as well as adding a new/different element to move on from the Layne era. I was a little iffy on this new incarnation as Layne was such a big part of what sparked my fiery love for this band...
Ok, "a little iffy" is an understatement; I was EXTREMELY skeptical, until I heard their new single, "A Looking In View".
After hearing this, any doubts I had about the new era of Alice, were completely gone. I should have had more faith in Mr. Cantrell. This new song is vintage Alice with a bit more added "grunge" to it. I'm extremely impressed with it and will definitely be picking up the new album when it's released in the near future. :)
Much love,
Geoff
He died alone, in his apartment after overdosing. he wasn't found until about 2 weeks later when the police were called to kick the door down. Such a sad way to silence such an amazing voice.
When I had first heard it announced, it was 10 AM and I was sitting in my grandparent's living room watching some silly VH1 show. This was a very sad day for me personally as I grew up listening to Alice in Chains and fell in love with the vocals combo of Layne and Jerry Cantrell. Alice In Chains had been on an indefinite hiatus after their Unplugged performance (which is still one of the most amazing and chilling performances I've ever seen), so the death of Layne had pretty much put a nail in the coffin of my hopes of new material as well as getting to see them in concert one day...
That was until I heard that they were together and working with vocalist William Duvall. Despite a little different vocal range/style, he seem to compliment AiC's style nicely as well as adding a new/different element to move on from the Layne era. I was a little iffy on this new incarnation as Layne was such a big part of what sparked my fiery love for this band...
Ok, "a little iffy" is an understatement; I was EXTREMELY skeptical, until I heard their new single, "A Looking In View".
After hearing this, any doubts I had about the new era of Alice, were completely gone. I should have had more faith in Mr. Cantrell. This new song is vintage Alice with a bit more added "grunge" to it. I'm extremely impressed with it and will definitely be picking up the new album when it's released in the near future. :)
Much love,
Geoff
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
"I Wanna Grow Old With You"
Just a quick video of myself playing "I Wanna Grow Old With You" by Adam Sandler (from the movie The Wedding Singer)
Sadly, there's no Billy Idol cameo in my version, sorry. ;)
I've always thought it was a cute song, like the type I'd write and play for a significant other.
But yes, I picked up a new guitar recently, so hopefully soon I'll post another video of a song. There's a couple I've been working on, so hopefully I step up my game and get a video of a decent rendition, haha.
Much love,
Geoff
:]
Sadly, there's no Billy Idol cameo in my version, sorry. ;)
I've always thought it was a cute song, like the type I'd write and play for a significant other.
But yes, I picked up a new guitar recently, so hopefully soon I'll post another video of a song. There's a couple I've been working on, so hopefully I step up my game and get a video of a decent rendition, haha.
Much love,
Geoff
:]
Monday, July 6, 2009
Technologically advanced blogging
So since setting up Twitter as well as facebook and other sites to be updated from my cell phone, I've also decided to set up my blog to my cell as well. Hopefully it'll get me to post more updates, haha. ;)
So here's to random pictures I take and random thoughts I think up hopefully being posted soon. :D
Much love,
Geoff
So here's to random pictures I take and random thoughts I think up hopefully being posted soon. :D
Much love,
Geoff
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Swing Life Away
(My voice is/was shot to hell because of my throat being sore, which is quite noticeable in the last chorus, haha.)
"Swing Life Away" by Rise Against
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Poetic Tragedy
Are you gonna live your life wondering,
Standing in the back,
Looking around?
Are you gonna waste your time thinking,
How you’ve grown up,
Or how you missed out?
Things are never gonna be the way you want.
Where's it gonna get you acting serious?
Things are never gonna be quite what you want,
Or even at 25,
You gotta start sometime.
----xXx----
"Poetic Tragedy" by The Used
The cup is not half empty as pessimists say
as far as he sees nothing's left in the cup
A whole cup full of nothing for him to indulge
since the voice of ambition has long since been shut up
A singer, a writer,
he's not dreaming now of going nowhere
he gave heed to nothing
and all that he was is just a tragedy
So he voyages in circles succeeds getting nowhere
and submits to the substance that first got him there, there, there, there
then in violent, frustration
he cries out to God or just no one
is there a point to this madness
and all that he was is just a tragedy
He feels alone
His heart in his hands, he's alone
He feels alone
I feel
Then on that last day he breaks
and he stood tall
then he yelled, and he takes his life
{why world, why world, hate you, hate you, bye world}
violent frustration
he cries out to God or just no one
is there a point to this madness
and all that he was is just a tragedy
-xXx-
Monday, June 1, 2009
Just a few random pics and songs
------
Since I've gotten ahold of a drumset to mess around with, I figured I'd share a few pics of me having some fun. ;)
---
I've been in a bit of a drought with writing lately, I've just had so much on my mind and so many different things I've been trying out. Hopefully soon I'll have something worthwhile to post, but until then, I guess it'll just be small tidbit updates such as this.
Much love to all,
Geoff
----xXx----
I'll close with two songs that I've been (over)playing lately and also one song whose lyrics I have fallen in love with again. :)
I suggest we learn to love ourselves
before it's made illegal.
When will we learn?
When will we change?
Just in time to see it all come down.
Those left standing will make millions
writing books on the way it should have been...
When she woke in the morning,
she knew that her life had passed her by
And she called out a warning:
"Don't ever let life pass you by!"
Official video link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvZY3-y4l8Q
'I Got Id (aka I Got Shit)' by Pearl Jam
An empty shell seems so easy to crack.
Got all these questions. Don't know who I could even ask.
So I'll just lie alone and wait for the dream
where I'm not ugly and you're looking at me.
And I stay in bed. Oh, little I've seen there.
If just once I could feel loved, oh, Stare back at me. Yeah.
But I walked alive when you held me in that night.
Oh, I walked alive when you held my hand that night.
Oh, I walked alive when you held me close that night.
I paid the price. Never held you in real life.
My lips are shaking...
And then of course, one of my all time favorites:
'Black' by Pearl Jam
I take a walk outside
I'm surrounded by some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear?
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
I'm spinning, oh, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can drop away
And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
of what was everything
All the pictures have all been washed in black
Tattooed everything
All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll be...
I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why
Why can't it be mine?
Friday, May 22, 2009
In Loving Memory
Yesterday I learned of the tragic death of a girl who I went to school with years ago. She was in my 2nd grade class and was one of the first girls I'd ever had a crush on. I couldn't tell you her favorite color or what her favorite movie was, but I can still remember the freckles on her face. I can remember her sweet voice and perfect smile. Her eyes and how even back then a nice pair of eyes gave me butterflies. I can also remember the absolutely adorable giggle that she'd let slip out when something goofy was said or done. I couldn't tell you the last time I saw her, but the second I saw her name today, all the little things I remembered about her came right back to me.
Rest In Peace, Gina.
Rest In Peace, Gina.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Spiral out. Keep going...
I've always been very intrigued by songwriters in general, but there are a few that deserve a deeper look into what makes them so special. I've already gushed about my love of Kurt Cobain, Freddie Mercury, Elton John, Jim Morrison, Max Bemis and others, but there's one I've yet to mention and shed light on why I'm so fascinated with him.
That him is Maynard James Keenan.
First let me link to a video that could prove such lyrical as well as composing ingenuity that is quite astounding.... or it could prove that some people look way too far into things. Either way, it's still quite intriguing. :)
It's a look into the album 'Lateralus' by dissecting the title track and how to "spiral out" and find a deeper appreciation for this amazing album. (It's 9 minutes and 24 seconds long)
http://wimp.com/toolsecret/
Also, here's a more in depth explanation on the whole deal:
http://www.ultimatemetal.com/forum/non-opeth-music-chat/130701-secret-tools-lateralus.html
It wasn't until I was about 13 when I had begun to listen to music less as something to pass the time and more as a learning experience of sorts. tool put out music that was heavy in sound and even heavier in emotional value and meaning. It blew my mind trying to comprehend some of the songs and lyrics. It was just so different, yet so familiar. it showed a side of music that was truly dark, and yet at the same time so bright and beautiful.
I've also really begun to appreciate and listen to A Perfect Circle a bit more in depth over the past two years, same with Puscifer. (Starting when "3 Libras" gave a flawless soundtrack to my feeling of utter despair after doing everything I could to get this girl to notice me only to be taken for granted, ignored and forgotten)
An absolutely fascinating individual indeed. :)
3 Libras by A Perfect Circle
tool - Prison Sex
tool - Stinkfist
Lateralus
Black then white are all I see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
lets me see.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn beyond the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.
Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines.
Black then white are all I see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
lets me see there is so much more
and beckons me to look through to these infinite possibilities.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn outside the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.
Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition leaving all these opportunities behind.
Feed my will to feel this moment urging me to cross the line.
Reaching out to embrace the random.
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.
I embrace my desire to
feel the rhythm, to feel connected
enough to step aside and weep like a widow
to feel inspired, to fathom the power,
to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain,
to swing on the spiral
of our divinity and still be a human.
With my feet upon the ground I lose myself
between the sounds and open wide to suck it in,
I feel it move across my skin.
I'm reaching up and reaching out,
I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going...
That him is Maynard James Keenan.
First let me link to a video that could prove such lyrical as well as composing ingenuity that is quite astounding.... or it could prove that some people look way too far into things. Either way, it's still quite intriguing. :)
It's a look into the album 'Lateralus' by dissecting the title track and how to "spiral out" and find a deeper appreciation for this amazing album. (It's 9 minutes and 24 seconds long)
http://wimp.com/toolsecret/
Also, here's a more in depth explanation on the whole deal:
http://www.ultimatemetal.com/forum/non-opeth-music-chat/130701-secret-tools-lateralus.html
It wasn't until I was about 13 when I had begun to listen to music less as something to pass the time and more as a learning experience of sorts. tool put out music that was heavy in sound and even heavier in emotional value and meaning. It blew my mind trying to comprehend some of the songs and lyrics. It was just so different, yet so familiar. it showed a side of music that was truly dark, and yet at the same time so bright and beautiful.
I've also really begun to appreciate and listen to A Perfect Circle a bit more in depth over the past two years, same with Puscifer. (Starting when "3 Libras" gave a flawless soundtrack to my feeling of utter despair after doing everything I could to get this girl to notice me only to be taken for granted, ignored and forgotten)
An absolutely fascinating individual indeed. :)
3 Libras by A Perfect Circle
tool - Prison Sex
tool - Stinkfist
Black then white are all I see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
lets me see.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn beyond the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.
Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines.
Black then white are all I see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
lets me see there is so much more
and beckons me to look through to these infinite possibilities.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn outside the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.
Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition leaving all these opportunities behind.
Feed my will to feel this moment urging me to cross the line.
Reaching out to embrace the random.
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.
I embrace my desire to
feel the rhythm, to feel connected
enough to step aside and weep like a widow
to feel inspired, to fathom the power,
to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain,
to swing on the spiral
of our divinity and still be a human.
With my feet upon the ground I lose myself
between the sounds and open wide to suck it in,
I feel it move across my skin.
I'm reaching up and reaching out,
I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going...
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Funny The Way It Is
So I was lying in bed tonight just thinking about the events that have transpired for me over the past few days; girl troubles (which have been kicking my ass since I first noticed the sweet little pretty freckled brunette Jill in preschool, haha) as well as the troubling circumstances regarding friends and their well-being and such. But as I'm lying there, this song came on the radio. Listening to the lyrics actually brought tears to my eyes and I'm not ashamed to admit it. It's such a heartfelt and beautiful song with some of the most profound lyrics I've heard in quite sometime. Maybe it's just having this impact because I'm tired and looking for something to soothe the burning pain in my heart or clear the cobwebs out of my mind, but I figured I'd share anyways. :)
"Funny The Way It Is" by the Dave Matthews Band
Lying in the park on a beautiful day
Sunshine in the grass and the children play
Sirens pass and fire engine red
Someone’s house is burning down
On a day like this
And evening comes and were hanging out
On the front step and a car goes
By with the windows rolled down
And that war song is playing
Why can’t we be friends?
Someone is screaming and crying
In the apartment upstairs
Funny the way it is
If you think about it
Somebody’s going hungry
And someone else is eating out
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
Somebody’s heart is broken
And it becomes your favorite song
The way your mouth feels
In a lovers kiss
Like a pretty bird on a breeze
Or water to a fish
A bomb blast brings a building
Crashing to the floor
Hear the laughter
While the children play war
Funny the way it is
If you think about it
One kid walks ten miles to school
Another’s dropping out
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
On a soldier’s last breath
His baby is being born
Standing on a bridge
Watch the water passing under me
It must have been much harder
When there was no bridge just water
Now the world is small
Compared to how it used to be
With mountains and oceans and winters
And rivers and stars
Watch the sky
A jet plane so far out of my reach
Is there someone up there
Looking down on me?
A boy chase a bird
So close but every time
He never catch her
But he can’t stop trying
Funny the way it is
If you think about it
One kid walks ten miles to school
Another’s dropping out
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
On a soldier’s last breath
His baby’s being born
Funny the way it is
Not right or wrong
Somebody’s broken heart
Becomes your favorite song
Funny the way it is
If you think about it
One kid walks ten miles to school
Another’s dropping out
Standing on a bridge
Watch the water passing under me
It must have been much harder
When there was no bridge just water
Now the world is small
Compared to how it used to be
With mountains and oceans and winters
And rivers and stars
"Funny The Way It Is" by the Dave Matthews Band
Lying in the park on a beautiful day
Sunshine in the grass and the children play
Sirens pass and fire engine red
Someone’s house is burning down
On a day like this
And evening comes and were hanging out
On the front step and a car goes
By with the windows rolled down
And that war song is playing
Why can’t we be friends?
Someone is screaming and crying
In the apartment upstairs
Funny the way it is
If you think about it
Somebody’s going hungry
And someone else is eating out
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
Somebody’s heart is broken
And it becomes your favorite song
The way your mouth feels
In a lovers kiss
Like a pretty bird on a breeze
Or water to a fish
A bomb blast brings a building
Crashing to the floor
Hear the laughter
While the children play war
Funny the way it is
If you think about it
One kid walks ten miles to school
Another’s dropping out
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
On a soldier’s last breath
His baby is being born
Standing on a bridge
Watch the water passing under me
It must have been much harder
When there was no bridge just water
Now the world is small
Compared to how it used to be
With mountains and oceans and winters
And rivers and stars
Watch the sky
A jet plane so far out of my reach
Is there someone up there
Looking down on me?
A boy chase a bird
So close but every time
He never catch her
But he can’t stop trying
Funny the way it is
If you think about it
One kid walks ten miles to school
Another’s dropping out
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
On a soldier’s last breath
His baby’s being born
Funny the way it is
Not right or wrong
Somebody’s broken heart
Becomes your favorite song
Funny the way it is
If you think about it
One kid walks ten miles to school
Another’s dropping out
Standing on a bridge
Watch the water passing under me
It must have been much harder
When there was no bridge just water
Now the world is small
Compared to how it used to be
With mountains and oceans and winters
And rivers and stars
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Twitter, a stalker's wet dream! :D
https://twitter.com/Geoff_Itz
I'm not sure why I decided to set up a Twitter account, but I will tell you this, it's addictive. For some reason I seem to feel it's necessary to update people on my whereabouts/going ons, haha. Feel free to follow me or link me to your account and I'll follow you. :)
___________________
In other news, still no progress on my "graphic novel". I've rewritten the dialogue and such about 5 times since "finalizing" it and sketched rough storyboards and character designs countless times as well... Still not completely satisfied with it. :/
---
I just got done watching the movie Idiocracy by the genius that is Mike Judge (Beavis and Butthead, Office Space) and I loved it. It's scary to think that the future could actually end up like that...
I also have fallen in love with Martin Scorsese's The Departed. It might be because it's loosely based on some of the hometown mobsters, but also because the cinematography is absolutely gorgeous. Apart from some of the atrocious Boston accents (which is very disappointing because some of the main actors-namely Matt Damon and Mark Wahlberg-are born-and-raised Massholes, haha) it is a great movie. The acting is superb (minus the aforementioned accents, haha) and the locations used were, for the most part, authentic Bostonian spots. :)
So if you're in the mood for a dumb humored, yet fun movie, check out Idiocracy and if you haven't seen The Departed yet, do yourself a favor and watch it. :)
Much love,
Geoff :)
I'm not sure why I decided to set up a Twitter account, but I will tell you this, it's addictive. For some reason I seem to feel it's necessary to update people on my whereabouts/going ons, haha. Feel free to follow me or link me to your account and I'll follow you. :)
___________________
In other news, still no progress on my "graphic novel". I've rewritten the dialogue and such about 5 times since "finalizing" it and sketched rough storyboards and character designs countless times as well... Still not completely satisfied with it. :/
---
I just got done watching the movie Idiocracy by the genius that is Mike Judge (Beavis and Butthead, Office Space) and I loved it. It's scary to think that the future could actually end up like that...
I also have fallen in love with Martin Scorsese's The Departed. It might be because it's loosely based on some of the hometown mobsters, but also because the cinematography is absolutely gorgeous. Apart from some of the atrocious Boston accents (which is very disappointing because some of the main actors-namely Matt Damon and Mark Wahlberg-are born-and-raised Massholes, haha) it is a great movie. The acting is superb (minus the aforementioned accents, haha) and the locations used were, for the most part, authentic Bostonian spots. :)
So if you're in the mood for a dumb humored, yet fun movie, check out Idiocracy and if you haven't seen The Departed yet, do yourself a favor and watch it. :)
Much love,
Geoff :)
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
Nerd love (wip)
So I was bored earlier and started writing a goofy love song with pop culture references, and it's still obviously a work in progress (if I even decide to finish it, haha), but I figure I'd still share:
Could I be your Magnum PI if I grow a sweet 'stache, solve all of your problems and keep you in awe
When the Evil Dead won't die, could I please be your Ash, with a fistful of boomstick and a handy chainsaw.
I'd be your #1 lineman I'd love to think, for my starting QB, my Friday Night Light,
So you'd keep them diamonds, my dear Mr. Pink, What an honor to be in that epic gunfight
You'd be my Dante, I'd be your Randal, Whatever you'd say'd be too dramatic to handle,
You'd make a great Jay, I'd be silent as a candle, even when you'd call me gay, and then call me landfill,
But I'd still just be Bob, and you could be my weave, You'd always be on the job, and I could never leave.
---
Nothing amazing yet (if ever, haha), just goofiness and puppy love I suppose. :)
--
I might even end up changing up the style a bit and go with:
Could I be your Magnum PI if I grow a sweet 'stache,
And when the Evil Dead won't die, could I please be your Ash,
Solve all of your problems and keep you in awe,
With a fistful of boomstick and my handy chainsaw.
Still a WIP, haha.
Could I be your Magnum PI if I grow a sweet 'stache, solve all of your problems and keep you in awe
When the Evil Dead won't die, could I please be your Ash, with a fistful of boomstick and a handy chainsaw.
I'd be your #1 lineman I'd love to think, for my starting QB, my Friday Night Light,
So you'd keep them diamonds, my dear Mr. Pink, What an honor to be in that epic gunfight
You'd be my Dante, I'd be your Randal, Whatever you'd say'd be too dramatic to handle,
You'd make a great Jay, I'd be silent as a candle, even when you'd call me gay, and then call me landfill,
But I'd still just be Bob, and you could be my weave, You'd always be on the job, and I could never leave.
---
Nothing amazing yet (if ever, haha), just goofiness and puppy love I suppose. :)
--
I might even end up changing up the style a bit and go with:
Could I be your Magnum PI if I grow a sweet 'stache,
And when the Evil Dead won't die, could I please be your Ash,
Solve all of your problems and keep you in awe,
With a fistful of boomstick and my handy chainsaw.
Still a WIP, haha.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
"Sweet Dream"
by Greg Laswell
If I could write out my own dream
For the next time that I sleep
You'd be the first one that I see
And I the last one that you keep
The dream would go on and on
While we sway
Against all things thrown our way
And the morning would be so cruel
When it came
With sunshine and warmth to blame
For announcing the end of my sweet dream
For announcing the end of my sweet dream
Monday, March 16, 2009
A older poem I recently found again.
Here is a piece I wrote way back in November of '07:
It's not meant to be.
She's not meant for me.
I wish it wasn't like this, but I have no say.
It's up to love to find a way.
If no way is found, I'm sadly stuck,
down, lost, trapped and out of luck.
but it's nothing compared to the pain she's felt, the thought of the hand of cards she was dealt, makes me hurt so much I can't even cry, and the sadness in her voice kills me inside.
I'm going quietly into the night, not gonna cause a scene or put up a fight.
Burning out is not an option, it hurts the ones that I love the most. The ones that would smile at the sight of my ghost.
Slowly fading away is the the sound of her voice. Slowly fading away is the only humane choice.
While serving my time as a prisoner of life, I wonder the crime I committed to deserve this.
So as I sit here and stare at the blade of this knife, I wonder when it cuts will I even feel it's bloody kiss.
The life from inside me drips onto to the floor, my heart slows its beating as I slowly die more.
Tears from my eyes sting the wound, then splash in the pool of life on my floor, and the darkness is overcome with the glow of the moon, and all the while I'm still dying more.
Night is upon us,
and quietly I go,
as I'm fading away,
I want you to know,
I've loved you forever,
and will continue to, So,
forget me completely and end my story,
of suffering plus pain minus the glory.
This started as a poem, but has become my life, the same life finishing with a coward's knife.
I finally got it,
And saw what I missed
I'm going to die with this bloody kiss
I've accepted it completely and made amends
This is the way, it's destined to end.
As this poem ends, so does my life.
I've lived my life like the blade of my knife,
Dull to begin, and ending razor-sharp, jagged, and covered in blood,
the coward who owns it,
faceless, nameless, and buried in mud.
He ran from his battles and didn't fight,
he went slowly and quietly,
and faded away,
forgotten overnight.
----
This, unlike the one I just recently wrote and posted, was a broken hearted and giving up hope for love poem, haha. Just a tad different.
I thought I had posted it before, but I looked through and did not see it. If I did post it already, I apologize. :)
She's not meant for me.
I wish it wasn't like this, but I have no say.
It's up to love to find a way.
If no way is found, I'm sadly stuck,
down, lost, trapped and out of luck.
but it's nothing compared to the pain she's felt, the thought of the hand of cards she was dealt, makes me hurt so much I can't even cry, and the sadness in her voice kills me inside.
I'm going quietly into the night, not gonna cause a scene or put up a fight.
Burning out is not an option, it hurts the ones that I love the most. The ones that would smile at the sight of my ghost.
Slowly fading away is the the sound of her voice. Slowly fading away is the only humane choice.
While serving my time as a prisoner of life, I wonder the crime I committed to deserve this.
So as I sit here and stare at the blade of this knife, I wonder when it cuts will I even feel it's bloody kiss.
The life from inside me drips onto to the floor, my heart slows its beating as I slowly die more.
Tears from my eyes sting the wound, then splash in the pool of life on my floor, and the darkness is overcome with the glow of the moon, and all the while I'm still dying more.
Night is upon us,
and quietly I go,
as I'm fading away,
I want you to know,
I've loved you forever,
and will continue to, So,
forget me completely and end my story,
of suffering plus pain minus the glory.
This started as a poem, but has become my life, the same life finishing with a coward's knife.
I finally got it,
And saw what I missed
I'm going to die with this bloody kiss
I've accepted it completely and made amends
This is the way, it's destined to end.
As this poem ends, so does my life.
I've lived my life like the blade of my knife,
Dull to begin, and ending razor-sharp, jagged, and covered in blood,
the coward who owns it,
faceless, nameless, and buried in mud.
He ran from his battles and didn't fight,
he went slowly and quietly,
and faded away,
forgotten overnight.
----
This, unlike the one I just recently wrote and posted, was a broken hearted and giving up hope for love poem, haha. Just a tad different.
I thought I had posted it before, but I looked through and did not see it. If I did post it already, I apologize. :)
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Just a small side-note.
I've setup a new blog to share my writings with friends and family, so please know that both blogs are my own and there is no one posing as me or stealing my work. :)
http://her0ssoldmeout.blogspot.com/
I did it that way so they wouldn't have to weed though all of my "journal" entries, haha.
This blog will always be updated first though, so this is where to check for new stuff. The other is more or less a watered down version with less explanations and no real personal insight into the meanings. It's mainly just so friends and family will stop bitching that I never share anything with them, haha.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
It's not a love poem...It's a "Find True Love" poem
But sure as hell, when you need to find me
Forget your ears and your eyes
let your heart lead you
Let go and see through disguise
let your mind concede to
the feelings you find deep inside
so let the tears squeeze through
eyelids shut tight and be wiped aside
by something that's real with the love that's so true
Run beside me, or walk behind me
But sure as hell, when you need to find me
Don't let your heart concede to
where your eyes, ears, and mind lead you
Unless your heart has seen through
to a mutual love that is surely true.
Run beside me, or walk behind me
But sure as hell, when you need to find me
Look through the tears and hang on to trust
Cast aside fears, and put aside lust
No matter how slow or quick you seem to be,
Sure as hell, you'll catch up and find me
whether walking beside me or running behind me
But sure as hell, just know that you'll find me.
---------------------
The "me" in question here is not exactly a person wanting to be found, but it's true love personified waiting to be found. Don't force happiness or love. Let it happen, let it take its course.
:)
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
A not so heroic (zeroic?) return ;)
My goodness, time flies when you're busy, haha.
Unfortunately I have reached a block in the road on the way to finishing up the illustrations for my project... in other words, I'm still stuck on how to go about finishing them up.
I already had a visual storyboard (mostly envisioned mentally, haha) all along, but I thought up new ideas and decided to rewrite a bunch of things. And of course when you do that, you have to change up other things. It's gotten pretty in depth and intricate, so much so that I've started to question if illustrating all of it would be worth the time and effort put into it.
I was originally going to use a legit ink and paper approach, but after much consideration, I decided to try a digital way, which still hasn't completely panned out the way I had intended. If neither of those end up working out, I do have one last solution. It would be extremely difficult but would probably also be the most unique and visually appealing as well as artistically satisfying (to my own mind at least, haha). It combines digital photography and drawings as well as ink and paper to create each piece. But yeah, enough about that, although keep your fingers crossed I'm able to finish it, haha. :P
In other going ons, I still haven't written much poetry lately (aside from the bits in my project) so for that I do apologize.
I've watched tons of movies lately, the most exciting of which was Watchmen of course. It was absolutely spectacular. Obviously the entire novel couldn't possibly have been put into the movie, so I did lower my expectations a tad... I was blown away at how beautiful it looked, but more importantly how perfectly it brought to life one of the most amazing pieces of fictional literature I've ever read. I can't stress enough how each actor definitely brought each character to life better than I had imagined them in my mind while reading it. Right down to their mannerisms and how each bit of dialogue was spot-on. I have to say that Jackie Earle Haley's portrayal of Rorschach was nothing short of perfect. Everything I had imagined and more. :)
I'm also very excited for Quentin Tarantino's next movie, Inglourious Basterds. If you haven't seen the trailer yet, definitely check it out. :)
I've just finished reading Frank Miller's "The Dark Knight Returns" as well as Alan Moore's "The Killing Joke". I plan on picking up The Dark Knight Strikes Again and hopefully Batman: Year One to read next. I'll tell ya this, Miller and Moore are two of the most amazing storytellers I've stumbled upon in quite a while.
Music-wise, I'm currently anxiously awaiting the arrival of Third Eye Blind's "Ursa Major". After seeing Third Eye Blind live, I have become an even bigger fan of their music. After hearing them play Non-Dairy Creamer and now having a copy the song to listen to in depth, I must say that it is nothing short of amazing.
Green Day's "21st Century Breakdown" is another album I'm excited for. They've always been a band that (to me at least) puts out consistently satisfying music. Growing up, they kinda put out an album in each of the periods of my life where it seemed my mood would change. Dookie/Insomniac when I was heading into middle school and becoming a goofy teen, Nimrod when I started to mature a bit, Warning when my life reached a VERY somber/dark and quiet plateau, and American Idiot when it seemed that I had become the person I'd always feared. The self-loathing burnout with nothing but broken dreams and an imagininary alter ego whom he'd see taking charge and living out the things he wanted to do but was too scared to... ;)
I've been experimenting with writing/composing alot of different lyrics/music and I've made a few VERY rough solo acoustic recordings of some of my own material as well as a few covers: Rise Against's "Swing Life Away" and "Prayer of the Refugee", Green Day's "Good Riddance-Time of Your Life", Nirvana's "About a Girl", Howie Day's "Collide", Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours", BNL's "Old Apartment" and "If I Had $1,000,000" and finally John Lennon's "Working Class Hero" and "Imagine".
Well, I guess that about does it for me. I'll try and update it abit more often, although it seems that until I figure out the whole illustrating deal, there won't be many worthwhile updates.
I'll end with lyrics that I've grown quite fond of lately. :)
Much Love,
Geoff
xXx
-----
when i fall in love i take my time
there's no need to hurry
when i'm making up my mind
you can turn off the sun
but i'm still gonna shine and i'll tell you why
because
the remedy is the experience
this is a dangerous liaison
i say the comedy is that it's serious
this is a strange enough new play on words
i say the tragedy is how you're gonna spend
the rest of your nights with the light on
so shine the light on all of your friends
when it all amounts to nothing in the end
i won't worry my life away
i won't and i won't and i won't
"The Remedy (I Won't Worry)" by Jason Mraz
Unfortunately I have reached a block in the road on the way to finishing up the illustrations for my project... in other words, I'm still stuck on how to go about finishing them up.
I already had a visual storyboard (mostly envisioned mentally, haha) all along, but I thought up new ideas and decided to rewrite a bunch of things. And of course when you do that, you have to change up other things. It's gotten pretty in depth and intricate, so much so that I've started to question if illustrating all of it would be worth the time and effort put into it.
I was originally going to use a legit ink and paper approach, but after much consideration, I decided to try a digital way, which still hasn't completely panned out the way I had intended. If neither of those end up working out, I do have one last solution. It would be extremely difficult but would probably also be the most unique and visually appealing as well as artistically satisfying (to my own mind at least, haha). It combines digital photography and drawings as well as ink and paper to create each piece. But yeah, enough about that, although keep your fingers crossed I'm able to finish it, haha. :P
In other going ons, I still haven't written much poetry lately (aside from the bits in my project) so for that I do apologize.
I've watched tons of movies lately, the most exciting of which was Watchmen of course. It was absolutely spectacular. Obviously the entire novel couldn't possibly have been put into the movie, so I did lower my expectations a tad... I was blown away at how beautiful it looked, but more importantly how perfectly it brought to life one of the most amazing pieces of fictional literature I've ever read. I can't stress enough how each actor definitely brought each character to life better than I had imagined them in my mind while reading it. Right down to their mannerisms and how each bit of dialogue was spot-on. I have to say that Jackie Earle Haley's portrayal of Rorschach was nothing short of perfect. Everything I had imagined and more. :)
I'm also very excited for Quentin Tarantino's next movie, Inglourious Basterds. If you haven't seen the trailer yet, definitely check it out. :)
I've just finished reading Frank Miller's "The Dark Knight Returns" as well as Alan Moore's "The Killing Joke". I plan on picking up The Dark Knight Strikes Again and hopefully Batman: Year One to read next. I'll tell ya this, Miller and Moore are two of the most amazing storytellers I've stumbled upon in quite a while.
Music-wise, I'm currently anxiously awaiting the arrival of Third Eye Blind's "Ursa Major". After seeing Third Eye Blind live, I have become an even bigger fan of their music. After hearing them play Non-Dairy Creamer and now having a copy the song to listen to in depth, I must say that it is nothing short of amazing.
Green Day's "21st Century Breakdown" is another album I'm excited for. They've always been a band that (to me at least) puts out consistently satisfying music. Growing up, they kinda put out an album in each of the periods of my life where it seemed my mood would change. Dookie/Insomniac when I was heading into middle school and becoming a goofy teen, Nimrod when I started to mature a bit, Warning when my life reached a VERY somber/dark and quiet plateau, and American Idiot when it seemed that I had become the person I'd always feared. The self-loathing burnout with nothing but broken dreams and an imagininary alter ego whom he'd see taking charge and living out the things he wanted to do but was too scared to... ;)
I've been experimenting with writing/composing alot of different lyrics/music and I've made a few VERY rough solo acoustic recordings of some of my own material as well as a few covers: Rise Against's "Swing Life Away" and "Prayer of the Refugee", Green Day's "Good Riddance-Time of Your Life", Nirvana's "About a Girl", Howie Day's "Collide", Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours", BNL's "Old Apartment" and "If I Had $1,000,000" and finally John Lennon's "Working Class Hero" and "Imagine".
Well, I guess that about does it for me. I'll try and update it abit more often, although it seems that until I figure out the whole illustrating deal, there won't be many worthwhile updates.
I'll end with lyrics that I've grown quite fond of lately. :)
Much Love,
Geoff
xXx
-----
when i fall in love i take my time
there's no need to hurry
when i'm making up my mind
you can turn off the sun
but i'm still gonna shine and i'll tell you why
because
the remedy is the experience
this is a dangerous liaison
i say the comedy is that it's serious
this is a strange enough new play on words
i say the tragedy is how you're gonna spend
the rest of your nights with the light on
so shine the light on all of your friends
when it all amounts to nothing in the end
i won't worry my life away
i won't and i won't and i won't
"The Remedy (I Won't Worry)" by Jason Mraz
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Here's an update for the new year!
Holy effin' s...
Boy, did 2008 leave in a hurry? haha
Unfortunately I do not have any new poems or lyrics to post as I'm still putting almost all of my focus on this graphic novel, so for that I apologize.
First, an update on my current project. :)
It's still in the writing/planning stage, a bit further along since last time, but still quite a ways off. I have a feeling that when I do end up trying to get this to look the way I want, I'll have to have some outside help on the illustrations. I'd obviously LOVE to get it published and maybe even have a short run at the least... But more realistically I'll just make a new seperate blog for it and post it in "issues" that I would add one every so often...perhaps even build a site and make a mailing list, the whole deal. I'm having an absolute blast rewriting and editing it all and planning out and now re-sketching all the storyboards and brainstorming different angles and such to further get across visually the tone and feel of the story.
And now an update on life:
I'm totally enjoying life right now...yeah, let me repeat that 'cuz it felt really weird typing and reading back, haha. I'm totally enjoying life right now. As I write this all, please know that I have a big smile on my face too. :D
Some random tidbits and recommendations for whoever cares...
Music albums I'm currently listening to:
'Oracular Spectacular' by MGMT
'Black Ice' by AC/DC
'Neon Bible' by Arcade Fire
'Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces' by Seether
'Comatose' by Skillet
Movies I've watched (or re-watched) lately and enjoyed:
Burn After Reading (Really fun and funny movie)
The Evil Dead trilogy (Amazing old school horror with slapstick gore effects)
30 Days of Night (Fantastic transition from paper to film and a great horror film too)
Pineapple Express (All around fun, and hilarious movie. Danny McBride, james Franco, and Craig Robinson push this movie straight through great and settle right into amazing)
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (A fun follow up to the first, and just as with the first one, nothing spectacular, but a good time waster...plus Hellboy and Abesapien sing along to "Can't Smile Without You", come on, pure gold, haha)
In Bruges (fantastic movie, just watch it)
Shoot 'Em Up (An hour and a half of the cheesiest one liners and nonstop action and the coolest gun battle scenes in plenty of bad-ass scenarios)
Almost Famous (Another fantastic movie that I can't do justice by describing)
Tropic Thunder (Amazing cast, amazing dialogue, amazing action, let the hilarity ensue)
WALL-E (Very cute animated love story)
American Psycho (Absolute insanity, haha, that's all I can say)
Into the Wild (Thank so much to Silly Girl for giving the nod to me about it, an absolutely beautiful film :) )
One other thing to check out is
Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog:
http://www.drhorrible.com/
Definitely check it out if you haven't already.
Well, that about does it for me. Thanks for reading and take care!
Until next time...
Lots of love to all,
Geoff
:D
P.S. - Inglorious Basterds on August 21, 2009! :) I'm so stoked! Tarantino NEVER fails to impress!
Boy, did 2008 leave in a hurry? haha
Unfortunately I do not have any new poems or lyrics to post as I'm still putting almost all of my focus on this graphic novel, so for that I apologize.
First, an update on my current project. :)
It's still in the writing/planning stage, a bit further along since last time, but still quite a ways off. I have a feeling that when I do end up trying to get this to look the way I want, I'll have to have some outside help on the illustrations. I'd obviously LOVE to get it published and maybe even have a short run at the least... But more realistically I'll just make a new seperate blog for it and post it in "issues" that I would add one every so often...perhaps even build a site and make a mailing list, the whole deal. I'm having an absolute blast rewriting and editing it all and planning out and now re-sketching all the storyboards and brainstorming different angles and such to further get across visually the tone and feel of the story.
And now an update on life:
I'm totally enjoying life right now...yeah, let me repeat that 'cuz it felt really weird typing and reading back, haha. I'm totally enjoying life right now. As I write this all, please know that I have a big smile on my face too. :D
Some random tidbits and recommendations for whoever cares...
Music albums I'm currently listening to:
'Oracular Spectacular' by MGMT
'Black Ice' by AC/DC
'Neon Bible' by Arcade Fire
'Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces' by Seether
'Comatose' by Skillet
Movies I've watched (or re-watched) lately and enjoyed:
Burn After Reading (Really fun and funny movie)
The Evil Dead trilogy (Amazing old school horror with slapstick gore effects)
30 Days of Night (Fantastic transition from paper to film and a great horror film too)
Pineapple Express (All around fun, and hilarious movie. Danny McBride, james Franco, and Craig Robinson push this movie straight through great and settle right into amazing)
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (A fun follow up to the first, and just as with the first one, nothing spectacular, but a good time waster...plus Hellboy and Abesapien sing along to "Can't Smile Without You", come on, pure gold, haha)
In Bruges (fantastic movie, just watch it)
Shoot 'Em Up (An hour and a half of the cheesiest one liners and nonstop action and the coolest gun battle scenes in plenty of bad-ass scenarios)
Almost Famous (Another fantastic movie that I can't do justice by describing)
Tropic Thunder (Amazing cast, amazing dialogue, amazing action, let the hilarity ensue)
WALL-E (Very cute animated love story)
American Psycho (Absolute insanity, haha, that's all I can say)
Into the Wild (Thank so much to Silly Girl for giving the nod to me about it, an absolutely beautiful film :) )
One other thing to check out is
Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog:
http://www.drhorrible.com/
Definitely check it out if you haven't already.
Well, that about does it for me. Thanks for reading and take care!
Until next time...
Lots of love to all,
Geoff
:D
P.S. - Inglorious Basterds on August 21, 2009! :) I'm so stoked! Tarantino NEVER fails to impress!
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