...the best part of waking up is...?

When I wake up, whether it be from a nap or from my night's sleep, either way, I'm always disappointed. It's not because I had a good dream and woke up in the middle, it's because I just dread waking up. Everyday is more of the same, wake up alone, feel sorry for myself all day and then go to sleep again...sometimes I throw a nap in the mix as well.
Is it that I want more in life?
Is it that I'm unappreciative of the life I have?
Is it that I simply have nothing left to keep me going?
Maybe it's all of it. the first thought when I wake up is "Fuck! Not again!?" and the last thought before I go to sleep is "let it be over soon". Many people hear this and think it's just me being depressive and "emo". That might be part of the case, but the other part of it is my pain...mental, emotional and physical. And yes, physical. I am in constant pain, I have frequent (almost constant) migraines and my lower back is in excruciating pain constantly. I've forced myself to fight through it and ignore it or at least live with it. I'm 100% against pain killers and anything of that sort and I don't even take aspirin, ibuprofen, advil or anything like that. I'm firmly opposed to "randomly" medicating, and I have quite a few legit reasons to take that position. I was heavily hopped up on medication from the age of 12 'till about 18. I was living as a zombie and had a false sense of security and reality. It made me gain over 100 lbs., and all but killed me. Socially as well as education wise I'm pretty much useless as well. Having dropped out of school, I lost contact with my peers and pretty much anyone who I could potentially be friends with. I missed out on prom, graduation, and pretty much any adolescent "phases". I honestly believe that if I killed myself back then, it would have been better for me. Being on all that medication has ruined my life. There are instances now of kids who were taking these meds for extended periods of time and they have now become sterile and even developed worse disorders and illnesses resulting in death or even crippling them and rendering them vegetables. It disgusts me to think that people and doctors think that by fucking around with random chemicals and shit and having kids take them that it will help them. It's a "guess and check/wait and see" method with medication, and it's scary. There were some medications that I took that supposedly had the opposite effect than what was desired...and it was at that point when I was on the brink of suicide. Maybe that's part of the reason I've decided to make the choice of staying sober and clean. It just sickens me hearing about all of these new drugs they are pumping into kids hoping it will help them, and their parents are just looking for their kids to "get better", so they'll try anything...absolutely disgusting...